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Who Steals A 600-Pound Cow Statue From Chick-Fil-A?

Well this is just udderly ridiculous. 

My first question right out of the gate is how did they moove a 600 pound object without being seen? One might think that the middle of the quarantine would've been the best time to do it because no one is out and about, but I disagree. The fact that there's no reason to be out in the middle of the night anymore (bars, clubs, sports, casinos, etc) means that all activity is officially suspicous activiity. My roomate got pulled over at 1 am the other night driving home from his girlfriends, simply because the police officer said he had no idea what the guy could be driving around for at 1 am. 

Anyways, I would've initially said that you'd need a crane or something to steal a 600 pound cow in the middle of the night, and that would've been too loud and too obvious. But then again, there were a lottttttt of people doing that 10 push-up challenge a couple weeks back. This could've been a group of people, I guess. One thing I do know for sure is that if it were a group of people, they were NOT standing 6 feet apart. Governor DeWine and Dr. Amy Acton would be ashamed of these scoundrels. Steal if you must, but please, follow the guidelines to get the great state of Ohio to reopen for business.

Back to the story: This had to be a Senior Prank, right? And honestly, if it was, I'm not sure these kids deserve much more than a slap on the wrist. A group of kids that just lost their sports seasons, Prom, and graduation? I feel for them. At least let them pull a Senior Prank! Sure, they can't fill a locker with bouncy balls right now or ride their tractors to school one morning like many Ohio schools do, but they have to make due with what they have available. And if there's a 600 pound cow down the road outside a closed Chick-Fil-A, then it's open season.

My official take is that if you're determined enough to steal a 600 pound cow, you deserve a 600 pound cow. Hats off to the kids here. I support those involved in the stealing of this cow. Now where would you hid something like this?


This cow meant more to Chick-Fil-A than what meets the eye. This cow was donated by the wife of a patron that has passed away. He loved Chick-Fil-A so much that she wanted to leave the cow there in his honor.

Could you imagine loving Chick-Fil-A so much that when you die, your wife would rather spend a couple thousand to donate a cow statue than keep it for herself? That's love, in two ways. Please return the cow, folks. Some things are bigger than the game. Please.