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New Nerf Rival Guns Will Shoot Darts Up To 70 mph

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BAMF

Bloomberg…Now the maker of foam footballs and spongy projectiles is targeting another new audience: high schoolers. In an attempt to keep older teens from abandoning the brand in favor of sports, Nerf will roll out a line of high-powered blasters and gear for use in competitions akin to paintball wars. Nerf Rival debuts tomorrow in New York, just ahead of the North American International Toy Fair, with $50 guns and $15 face masks that come in blue and red to make creating teams easier….So Hasbro assigned some of its best mechanical engineers to design new ammo and blasters. They ended up creating an inch-thick foam ball that’s dense enough to be shot in a straight line at almost 70 miles an hour (113 kilometers an hour), about a third of the speed of a paintball gun.

Well count me the fuck in. You give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. You give a man a Nerf gun, you entertain him for countless hours upon hours. Maybe it’s just the nostalgia but if I’m ever anywhere near a Nerf gun, you can bet your sweet ass that I’m about to have the time of my life. And that was before I even heard the news that Nerf is about to break out this super new, super sweet, super bad-ass Rival series that will shoot a solid inch-thick piece of foam up to 70 mph. That sounds like one big giant accident just waiting to happen and I love it. Playing with Nerf guns back in the day was great because you still had an imagination and could pretend you were getting in to gang fights and banging hookers and whores. Now that you’re a little older though, the imagination has started to dwindle and I can see where the allure in Nerf guns could fizzle out. But this right here just made Nerf guns awesome for adults again. You and your boys can get nice and shit faced, break out the Rivals and go to legitimate war. Sounds like the best time of my life.