I've had a good run of meeting famous people during the short time I've been swimming in Big Cat and Portnoy's wake here at Barstool. Jerry Rice, Stone Cold Steve Austin, that girl from the "well..." meme, Lita and Dr. Phil are just a few of the celebrities I've taken pictures with at HQ3.
But I often get asked: Which celebrity would you most want to meet or have dinner with or fuck? Well most of mine are dead. I love Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, Johnny Carson, Don Rickles and Macho Man Randy Savage. They're all dead.
But when it comes to the living, there are two that stand above the rest.
When I was 15 years old, my mother hated me. My grandmother hadn't been around me enough to hate me yet. So my mom sent me to my grandmother's in Decatur, Alabama for a few weeks. While there, I stayed in a room for weeks at a time because I found the British version of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" on Comedy Central. Later, when they Americanized the show and put a pre-emaciated Drew Carey behind the desk, I rolled seamlessly into loving that show. And while I love Clive Anderson and Wayne Brady and Greg Proops and Chip Esten, the two guys I steal jokes from the most are Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie.
Stiles was the first one that caught my eye because he's tall and probably didn't touch a titty until his late 20's like me. And he's still my top favorite. But years of watching made me realize that Colin is at worst 1B to Ryan's 1A on the hierarchy, and it could be reversed. I love these motherfuckers.
The episode with Richard Simmons remains the funniest four minutes I've ever seen on American TV, but these two together are the perfect blend of self-deprecating and just fucking hilarious.
I don't know how to meet these guys. But I want to.
Diving further into the Whose Line universe, the games that stand out to me are Superheroes, Party Quirks, Dating Game, the nightly news show, Newsflash, Hollywood Director, and my very favorite is Two-Line Vocabulary.
I didn't much care Hoedown, but it did provide possibly the greatest Colin Mochrie moment ever.
I loved that fuckin' show. I know it's still on. But it doesn't feel the same.