I Have No Idea What Tom Hardy Looks Like In Real Life And Neither Do You
I'm doing by bi-annual rewatch of MAD MAX: FURY ROAD, one of the best movies of the last decade, and the same thought that crosses my idiotic brain every rewatch struck yet again. I haven't the slightest of clues what Tom Hardy looks like off of the silver screen. A general idea? Sure. But if you snuck him into a lineup with people who don't even really look like I'm all that much I'd have no idea who was who. I get that he wears a mask for the entirety of THE DARK KNIGHT RISES, but his Bane character is actually precisely what fucks me up the most when it comes to identifying Tom Hardy. Bane is fucking huge. Alfie Solomons is not. Mad Max is not. Actors change their bodies all the time for roles but his sways appear far too extreme for me to even have a solid grasp on the general frame of his bone structure. Like Christian Bale went from 101 lbs in THE MACHINIST to a sturdy 195 when he played Batman, but his bones stayed in the same spot. His profile remained similar enough. When Robert Downey Jr. took off the Iron Man suit and put on full black face for TROPIC THUNDER I thought to myself, "Hey, that's Robert Downey Jr." Hardy is some sort of shape-shifting warlock who can transform to resemble any character at any time. It's simultaneously one of the most impressive things I've ever seen in addition to being an incredible threat to our national security. Thankfully he's chosen to be a world famous actor and not some sort of spy because we'd all be fucked if he chose to use this immense power to pull of nefarious deeds.
Because of this I firmly believe he's the greatest actor who ever lived. Everyone else when I watch them act, no matter how much I'm enjoying the movie a part of me goes, "Oh that's so-and-so." Even if it's just for a second it breaks the guise for me. It doesn't ruin it, but it happens. Never once has that happened with Tom Hardy. Even if I know he's in a picture I need IMDB to tell me which character he was even playing several hours after the end credits roll. Should that be the only criteria in which we judge the greatest actor of all time? No, no we shouldn't. But I will. And just did. So congrats to Tom on winning this prestigious award. I'd tell you to come collect it but upon your arrival I'd have no way in which to identify you. That plus the whole social distancing thing we got going on makes it tough.