Mummy Bandit Is Back Robbing Banks On The North Side

(Source) A man who wraps his face in gauze bandages and carries accessories such as a green toy moose is suspected of committing a fifth bank robbery on Sunday, according to the FBI. Dubbed the “mummy bandit” because he has wrapped his face in gauze bandages or scarves in each of the five robberies, the man is believed to be the person who robbed the TCF Bank branch in a Jewel-Osco store, 4750 N. Lincoln Ave., on Sunday, Chicago FBI spokeswoman Joan Hyde said.

A man in his 30s walked up to a teller about 10:10 a.m. Sunday at the TCF Bank and robbed the bank, according to police. The man left the bank with cash and fled on foot, police said. The robber was described as a white man in his 30s, wearing a red-and-white beanie, a burgundy coat and blue jeans, with some sort of medical tape or gauze on his face. Estrada said. He also was carrying a cane.

I fucking love the mummy bandit. Love him. Who even robs banks anymore and gets away with it? Such a lost art. Every time someone robs a bank now they get caught in less than an hour. But the mummy bandit is just humming along, TP’ing his face and robbing banks left and right while the FBI stands around with their dick in their hands. How demoralizing is that? Guy is basically wearing a costume we all wore in kindergarten, carrying around toy ducks and mooses, laughing directly in law enforcement’s face. So as long as he doesn’t kill anyone, I’m rooting for the Mummy Bandit. It’s not like I have any money so people taking things from banks really doesn’t effect me in any way shape or form. Team Mummy Bandit all day everyday. He’s not the bank robber we want, he’s the bank robber we need.

PS

I think part of the reason I like the Mummy Bandit is that I’m not 100% convinced he isn’t Zeke The Plumber from Salute Your Shorts, and that scares the ever living shit out of me.