Mr. T Proves Yet Again That He Is The Most Electrifying Man In The History Of The World, Hawks Right The Ship

Right the ship is probably the incorrect saying here. It probably should read “Hawks do what they’re supposed to do and beat a terrible Calgary team”. Minus the two seemingly softies that Kiprusoff let in and a handful of Kane – esque moves last night was pretty boring. Emery looked good when we needed goaltending in the worst possible way, but then again the shots went 35-16 in our favor. Iginla, in his alleged audition, was essentially invisible and overall it was a very run of the mill night at the UC. Another two points. Another game closer to the playoffs and hopefully getting Hossa and Sharp back. Then again, did anyone expect the Hawks to take top billing when this man was in the house….

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First of all. I have a question. Is Mr. T the only man on planet earth who can wear an Old Navy sweatshirt, a pair of dirty champion sweatpants, and a bandana and still look cool? Its almost like he’s trying to look as homeless as possible knowing that he’ll still be badass. He’s spitting in the eye of fashion. Put Mr. T in a Pancho and a diaper and he’ll still be the toughest guy in the room. Oozing machismo out of his $14.99 Sweatshirt.

Second, his performance. One word. WOW. My guess is Mr. T has never played a game of hockey in his life. Every few years someone snatches him from Lake Forest, brings him down to the UC, puts him on the ice and makes him shoot the puck. Which is all the more impressive. Practice for Mr. T is just seeing something, pitying it, and then destroying it. Puck never had a chance. Pity, boom, slotted. Mr. T, American hero, true performer, Chicago’s finest.

Oh also, heels on the ice is the universal symbol for “I’ll try anything once”

PS
Hey bro, you’re scaring us.