Introducing The Ugliest Horse On Planet Earth, Diego, And The Owner's Who Tried To Make Me Feel Like A Bad Person

Skip to 15:15 for Diego

So in this week’s episode of KFC Radio the question was asked of us, what is the 1 blog you regret writing. And it reminded me of the time on my old website where I wrote a blog about the ugliest horse in the world, Diego, and his stupid owner, some 7 year old girl. KFC said I had to explain it and reblog the story and he’s right. So here’s video of Diego and Maddison being gross together.

And the corresponding story.

Diego has Wry Nose Syndrome, a terrible disease that gives “bent nose and undershot jaw” to the foals it inflicts. Normally, when a pony is this ugly, you kill it, because Wry Nose ugliness correlates with an inability to chew grass. But six-year-old Maddison Biddlecombe—the beautiful, blushing baby of Diego’s owners—fell in love with the monstrosity:

Diego is my best friend and I don’t care what he looks like, to me his face makes him special. He’s so lovely. We have a lot of fun playing games and he likes to chase me around the field. I love him lots and he gives me kisses and cuddles. People shouldn’t say he should be put down because of what he looks like, it doesn’t matter to me.

My old blog no longer exists so I can’t go find what I wrote but the jist of it was this. If I was Maddison, I would be fucking FURIOUS if I looked back on my childhood and saw that my parents were letting me hang out with an ugly horse like Diego. FURIOUS. I would probably burn my tongue with acid and throw myself in a well just knowing that I hung out with such a breathtakingly ugly horse. Flat out embarrassing. And I don’t care if you think Diego has a kind soul, or if he  gives the best pony kisses or whatever. That horse is disgusting, Period. It looks gross, it walks gross, probably smells gross too. So for anyone to tell Maddison that Diego is beautiful is both a liar and a terrible human being. Teaching your children that looks and physical attraction don’t matter is fucked up. Because looks do matter, a lot of times they matter the most. The world is run by beautiful people. Why should an ugly horse be the exception?

So you’re probably saying to yourself, hey Big Cat, where’s the regret? What part of your perfectly flawless logic do you regret? Well the answer is none of it. Zero. But Maddison and her sister use to email me and leave comments on my Website literally every week telling me I was the worst person in the entire world. They were trying to force regret into my brain. Telling me that Diego, in all his ugly grossness was somehow equal to a human being.

Well Charlotte, Maddison, and Diego, its been over 2 years but I just wanted you to know I have not forgotten about you. I still think your horse fucking sucks. I still have no regret for trying to come to Maddison’s defense when no one else in the world had the balls to tell her the truth. And  if being a bad person is hating an ugly horse that makes me want to puke on myself, well then I never wanted to be good in the first place.