I Am Now the #1 Recruiting Tool For Michigan Football

That sound of shaking you hear is the entire state of Ohio. I mean people always ask me how is Michigan football gonna get back on top. How are we going to finally beat Ohio State? The answer is simple. Put me in the living room with these recruits. Let me work my magic. You think teenagers give a fuck about Adam Schefter or Madonna? No but they care about Barstool. I know what these kids want. They’ve grown up on Barstool. I’ll line up so many 5 star recruits it will make your head spin. Dave Portnoy always puts asses in seats and Dave Portnoy will make Michigan Great Again.

Oh and if you don’t think Ohio is nervous how do you explain this move by Nick Bosa? Already in full blown panic mode.