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Seinfeld Quarantine Apartments - Who Ya Got?

FINALLY. A quarantine house (or apartment) tweet I can get behind. Now just by a quick glance at the 4 houses we're dealing with I think it's a clear 2 horse race but let's get into all 4 of 'em anyway. Will not reveal who the 2 Goliaths are until after the breakdowns.

Apartment 1

  1. Elaine
  2. Tim Whatley
  3. David Puddy
  4. Peterman
  5. Sue Ellen Mischke

There can be a few VERY interesting dynamics going down in this house. On the surface it sounds like a grand old time. You of course have Elaine who's always down for a good conversation, you have super dentist (and Walter White) Tim Whatley, ya got Puddy if you ever have a hankering to support the team, Peterman if you're interested in the wildest stories the world has to offer, and Sue Ellen Mischke who is simply just a delight. Yet once you really get down to the nitty/gritty here I'm thinking there'd be 2 subgroups with me left out of each.


First off you'd have 2 guys that've shown interest in Elaine over the years in Whatley & Puddy so I'm thinking there'd be a love triangle there & I don't think Elaine would be down for a love square with the likes of me. Clearly I'm out on there. The other subgroup would be 2 very rich folks in Peterman & Sue Ellen. One runs an outrageously successful fashion catalogue while the other is the heiress to a candy bar institution. Although maybe I can bond with Sue Ellen over the chocolate as I am an vid? I'm not sure. We'll leave that open to discussion.

Apartment 2

  1. Jerry
  2. Kenny Bania
  3. Morty Seinfeld
  4. Uncle Leo
  5. Poppie

I mean if we're calling a spade a spade here this apartment is flat out repulsive. Stinks out loud. Outside of Jerry I wouldn't spend a second with any of these people unless I was being compensated. If anything MAYBE Poppie since he's in the restaurant industry but then what happens when he pees on my sofa? Not for me. Then you got a holy trinity of crazy with Bania, Morty, and Uncle Leo. Couldn't be any more out on apartment 2.

Apartment 3

  1. George
  2. Helen Seinfeld
  3. Estelle Costanza
  4. Lloyd Braun
  5. The Ross Family

This house, much like house 1, looked decent from the outside when looking individually but then as you see how these people would play together it's an instant shrug off as well. It'd be sweet to have the Ross' there, maybe they can get us some caviar or the expensive steaks for dinner, but after that they're just gonna annoy the hell out of George and vice versa.

You also have George's long time nemesis in Lloyd Braun AND his mother that he can't stand in Estelle. Now I love Estelle, think she's hilarious, but you throw Estelle along with the Ross' & Lloyd Braun in 1 roof over George? That's just a recipe for George to get upset. Not to mention the Seinfelds & the Costanza's don't like each other. Nothing scares me more than 2 old ladies that hate each other living under the same roof.

Apartment 4

  1. Kramer
  2. Frank Costanza
  3. Jackie Chiles
  4. Newman
  5. Kruger

This is a POWERHOUSE. I'm gonna begin with throwing Kruger straight out of this because honestly at the end of the day who cares about Kruger. I don't think any other of these 4 absolute wildcards would enjoy making constant small talk with a guy that's in charge of an industrial smoothing company. Very boring.

Next up we got Newman who, outside of Jerry's distinct hatred for him, honestly doesn't seem like too bad of a guy. He's lowkey had his fair share of good looking ladies over the years so he can't be too boring (guys that look like Newman & I need good personalities), is always down for an adventure, and controls the mail…which is a big deal. And we haven't seen too much of him, but from what we've seen I'm very down to get stuck in an apartment with Jackie Chiles. Lawyers always have hilarious stories. 

Then finally we have the dynamic duo. 2 all-time characters obviously in Kramer and my personal favorite character in television history, Frank Costanza. So sure you can call me biased on this one, but if you're giving the opportunity to just stand in a corner and watch these 2 bicker at each other for days over whether their male bra invention is called the manzere or the bro I am ALL in on that. Sign me up real quick. 

Final Rankings

4. Apartment 2

3. Apartment 3

2. Apartment 1

1. Apartment 4

At the end of the day it was definitely a 2 horse between 1 & 4, but my love for Frank Costanza just couldn't be topped. I will now depart you by leaving the best of Frank Costanza & wishing you a Happy Festivus even though it's not for another 8 months.



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