So We'll Soon Be Able To Text Smells To One Another Through Our Phones

HARVARD – A professor plans to send the first smell text message via a device he has dubbed the ‘oPhone’. David Edwards will send the scent through an app on his iPhone to a colleague in Paris. The oPhone will then decode the message and create the smell using different scents it has built inside of it. Professor Edwards, of Harvard’s school of engineering, believes that one day we could be sending smell messages as frequently as we do texts or pictures. He believes it is the world’s ‘natural Tweet’ as it takes just a few seconds to get it. If the test is a success he wants to have scent-tagged images available via Facebook and Twitter with oPhone-fitted hotspots around the world that can produce the odours.

Ah, technology. Seemingly nice until it always falls into the wrong hands. You think you’re going to be texted the sweet scents of roses and colored markers? Fat chance. Because that Snapchat of your buddy’s post Chipolte mudslide wasn’t descriptive enough. Within 5 years Fartphoning will become a Olympic sport. There’s no limit to how people are going to abuse this app. Every time you sniff your fingers after rubbing the nuts you can share the wonderful experience with all of your friends. Now everyone can enjoy a good duckbutter whiff early in the morning. Smells like, victory.

This technology should be outlawed in India. If the Geneva Convention banned the use of Mustard Gas, they need to do what they can to eliminate whatever odors arise from that country. Sending a pic of a mustached Rohan eating curry next to a hole in the ground where he just shat could easily be considered a weapon of mass destruction.