Idiot Robs Gas Station, Feels Bad About It, Returns Money, Is Currently Enjoying The Wonders Of Jail

(AP) — Police in Northern California say a man robbed a gas station only to return hours later to give the money back and apologize. Eureka Police Sgt. Steve Watson said Sunday that 23-year-old Cyle Warren Abbott Jr. told officers he needed cash to leave town for a fresh start, but then realized his mistake. He says the clerk gave Abbott some cash, and Abbott left, also taking two bottles of beer. Watson says three hours later Abbott returned, giving back most of the cash and saying he was sorry. He says the weapon turned out to be a BB gun, which officers haven’t found.

That is a rough, rough 23-years. Looks to me like he’s about 3-5 illegitimate children deep and still trying to get his GED. I have to imagine that if I looked like that I, too, would be looking for anyway possible to skip town and get a fresh start on life. But c’mon Cyle (and yes, obviously that is an absolute savage way to spell Kyle but with everything else going wrong for this kiddo, I won’t harp too much on something he couldn’t control), you just have to be better than this. Somehow something here got mixed up in translation. It’s go big or go home. He went minuscule and went to jail. He had everything he needed to take out a new lease on life; some cash and 2 beers. What more could a man ask for? That’s hitting the lotto for a man like Cyle Warren Abbott Jr. But I guess the thought of all the future prosperity and success for Cyle was just a little too much to handle. Now to be honest, I think having to go back into the store you just robbed to apologize for being a dickhead is punishment enough. Can’t really imagine a more awkward apology than that situation. He’s just left there with his hands cuffed behind his back and his tail tucked between his legs. Poor Cyle.

P.S. – Everything I learned in Lawyering 101 says to throw the “this was just for a prank video” defense out there. Seems like a foolproof plan to get Cyle back on that horse.