Attention North Carolina: There's a Serial Toe Sucker on the Loose at Your Local Walmarts

HP – Police say a man in North Carolina sucked a woman’s toes at a Wal-Mart after he convinced her he was a podiatry student and persuaded her to take off her shoes. Detective Dennis Harris said the woman agreed to try on several pairs of shoes at the discount store in Lincolnton, and that at some point during the process, the man stuck her foot in his mouth. Harris said the man apparently tried the same thing at another Wal-Mart 15 miles away, where he told a woman he was conducting a survey on the feet of different races and nationalities. The second woman also agreed to take off her shoes, but left when the suspect asked her to remove her socks. Both confrontations happened Monday. Police are looking for the man.

If there’s one thing I’ll never understand about my fellow man, it’s a foot fetish. There are guys out there who are completely obsessed with feet. The same way we normals will go looking for plump dumpers or big ol funbags, there are guys, some of whom are currently reading this blog, who feel that same way about feet. It’s wild.

But to the case above, if you believe a foot doctor is waltzing in to a Walmart to do case studies, I have an ocean to sell you in the Mohave. You kind of set yourself up to get your toes sucked by a creep if you voluntarily remove your shoes for a guy in a North Carolina Walmart. These girls are just victims of being irrationally stupid, and nothing else. Hopefully he uses that reasoning in court. What can the judge even say? It’s a valid point. If you don’t want your toes turned into dum dums, keep your fucking shoes on. Case dismissed.