Get Your Girl An Edible Chocolate Anus For Valentine's Day

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Cosmo - What do you get for the man who has everything? How about a chocolate version of your butthole! Now, of course Edible Anus chocolates aren’t modeled after your specific anus (if you want something like that, you could always get your anus bronzed), but they may as well be, because who could tell the difference? Sure, you could just get him a regular box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day, but would that remind him of how he should probably make a point to eat your ass some time tonight? Probably not. So this year, give the gift of, “Yep. This is seriously a butthole that tastes like candy and when it melts looks like poop.” 

Told you. Asshole is in, baby. We got the goddam chocolate industry jumping on board with the craze. People love eating ass so much that we’re just flat out making edible buttholes now. We’re even selling bronzed assholes:

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And glass assholes. Glassholes, if you will. Just a cool $420 for one:

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Let me lay out the perfect Valentines Day to make your woman happy:

Step 1) Get 2 tickets to 50 Shades of Grey

Step 2) Head over to, click the blue microphone in the top right corner, use the code “KFC”, and get some flowers for your girl ($29.99 for a dozen roses and a vase, cant beat it)

Step 3) Get some edible anus chocolates

Step 4) Take her home and give her a rim job.

Thats romance, folks. Those four steps say “I love you.”

PS – For real what do you do with a bronze asshole? Paper weight?