I say this without an ounce of exaggeration – the Snow Day is one of the greatest things that can possibly happen to you. Up until you have children, when Snow Days actually become the worst thing imaginable, the Snow Day could very well bring more joy to the world than anything. No matter how old you are, getting the notice that you no longer had to go to school or work is a feeling completely unparalleled. The question is, at what age is the snow day the best?
There are 3 different stages in life where the Snow Day reigns supreme.
Stage 1 – Snow Day As A Child – I’m talking elementary school. 4th grade. School is cancelled which means you get to sleep in, watch Price is Right, put on all your snow gear, and spend all day sledding, having snowball fights, making snowmen and snow angels, building forts and drinking hot chocolate. When I was in elementary school we had the phone chain to inform everyone school was canceled. Remember that? Old school shit where all the parents would call the next house to inform them of the news. The moment you heard that phone ring at like 6:30 in the morning you knew what it meant. Your hear your mom say “Ok thank you I’ll call the next house” and the only question that remained was “is it a 2 hour delay or a snow day?” And the minute you hear Snow Day, its like an impromptu Christmas. Doesnt matter that you didnt do your home work. That test you were worried about is now none of your concern. Its pure bliss as you know you’re playing in the snow the rest of the day.
Stage 2 – Snow Day In College – Snow Days in college just up the ante. You decide you’re gonna take things to the next level for no apparent reason other than snow is falling from the sky and a couple classes were cancelled. You watch some Price Is Right, go on an outrageous beer run, buying like 5 times too much booze. You’ve got kegs out in the cold, 30 pack worth of cans buried in a snow bank. Every girl is looking to get cozy with somebody. Forget about a snowman, you just wanna get blown, man. Its drinking games and cabin fever, or you’re snowed in at a local bar. Either way the booze is flowing and everyone is looking to get fucked. Nature’s greatest aphrodisiac is snow. Gets the pussy wet, the dick hard, and cranks the party up about 40 notches.
Stage 3 – Snow Day In Real Life – You’re a Cube Monkey. Your life is pretty much 7am to 7pm, commuting, working, commuting. Gone are the days of 2 classes at 11:15 and 2:45 and then a nap and some casual sex. Hangovers hurt ten times more particularly because you’re waking up about 3 hours earlier than usual. The only holidays you get are the federal ones which seem to be months and months a part. And then something magical happens. You get hit with a blizzard and you get that email from work that everyone is “working from home,” or even better, the office is closed. This is particularly clutch, because you undoubtedly spent the previous night drinking heavily and WAY later into the night than usual because you were absolutely banking on work being cancelled. You thank Jesus the Snow Day actually came through, sleep a couple extra hours to let your hangover wear off, watch a little Price is Right. Fire up some internet porn and masturbate (you too, ladies) And then you’re on a Netflix binge full speed ahead. Probably drinking bottles of red wine or some sort of classier beer. If you’re just out of college, you maybe head to a local bar where you allow yourself to be snowed in all day. Beer, shots, wings, the whole nine, everyone meets up. If you’re like 26+, the thought of moving off the couch is not even a remote possibility. Pure happiness not having to do the commute from Hell and not spending 8 hours with people you hate.
So the question is, which is it? You can make a great argument for all 3. Any answer you come up with here is completely acceptable in my mind. A rare situation where I dont think there is a right answer. I will order them from most happy to least happy, because they are all just pure joy:
3. College Snow Day – Yes, like I said, it ups the ante and you party harder than usual. Yes, the chick you have been trying to fuck is much more open to the thought of getting warm with someone in bed. Yes, not having to deal with classes is amazing. But this is college. You can cut class and get fucked up and bang people left and right no matter what the weather is. The college Snow Day enhances the awesomeness, it doesnt create it.
2. Work Snow Day – Work is the most soul draining experience in the Universe. Getting out of work is like getting a stay of execution. You get to live. For a brief period of 24-36 hours, you are a real human again. Not a monkey trapped in a cage. The constant thought of “Right now I’d be…” and filling it in with some miserable aspect of work brings a smile to your face all day long. You’d ordinarily be depressed at work and instead you’re happy as can be.
1. Elementary School Snow Day – Its when life was simpler. More pure. More innocent. You havent experienced the terror of work yet. You dont even know what being drunk is. You’re not completely preoccupied with trying to burying your dick inside of a girl. So in your life, there’s only one terrible thing, and thats school. Teachers, books, projects, math, all that shit is the Devil. And because you’re so young and pure sledding down a hill and sitting inside an igloo are quite literally the best things life has to offer. You completely erase one and gain all joy of the other all thanks to mother nature and the blizzard falling from above. The GOAT in my mind. Never experience joy like a Snow Day as a kid.