Mush is Wrong...Swings are FAR Superior to Slides

What a bad take, even for Mush. The slide superior to the swing? Not even on the slides best day. Let's go to the tale of the tape.

Slides

• You have to climb them to slide down them. What kind of bullshit is that? I'm at the park to relax and have a little fun, not do manual labor.
• If the slide is made out of metal, forget about it. It'd be less painful to sit your bare keister on the sun itself. 
• You remember having to put some sand on the slide so you would slide down faster? Or at the fair, you have to get in a potato sack to go down the slide. The slide has one job and we still have to make it better? FOH.
• It's a lot of lead up for gratification that lasts all of about three seconds. I'm talking about slides, you understand.
• Slides get old after about two runs.

Swings

• With a swing, what you get is what you give. You control the pace. You create the breeze. You don't have to scale any inanimate objects, Peter Parker. Just sit down, go at your own pace and you can swing for hours.
• Swinging helps develop fine motor skills, gross motor skills, spatial awareness, and core strength. With a slide, you develop hemorrhoids from that hard ass slide. It's true.
• You and your significant other can have a casual swing or you can grab opposite poles of the swingset and crash into each other. A lot of options.
• No slide feeling can match the feeling of working up a good enough speed to catch some air when you jump out of the swing. I used to stick landings in the mulch one-footed like Gabby Douglas. 

Mush is wrong and it's upsetting me. Take a second today to @ him and tell him how wrong he is. You don't have to @ me too in the tweet. We're going on the honor system here.