Its a tradition unlike any other here at Barstool New York! Every year since the advent of the New York branch I’ve announced the arrival of the Hocus Pocus Season in an effort to get dudes every where laid. This year, however, this year is different. 2010 we announced Hocus Pocus Opening Day on October 20th. In 2011, it wasn’t declared until October 24th. Last year I gave everyone a couple extra weeks of warning – October 12th.
But in an absolutely unprecedented move, the Lifetime Network absolutely jacked the Hocus Pocus thunder from ABC Family this year. ABC Family usually owns the market with their 13 days of Halloween Marathons and just crushes the ratings with this movie. Well Lifetime pulled a Lee Corso Not So Fast My Friends and fired up 12 straight hours of Hocus Pocus this past weekend. Just undercut the entire market and fired it up a fucking month early. In the words of Sales Guy, “oh ABC Family you’re gonna get all the ratings? Nope. We’re gonna bust it out last weekend of September and girls will cum all over us.” Just straight up Hocus Pocus facial from those feminist broads over at Lifetime. Ruthless.
The good news is, we’re the winners in all this. Almost double, perhaps triple, the amount of time to use Hocus Pocus game when you’re stringing chicks this year. Whether you’re out at the bar, texting broads, trying to break the ice with a chick in your class. Whatever. If its October you can bring up this movie and 99% of chicks will tell you how much they love it. Start fucking gushing about how its one of their favorite flicks and now they have to go home and change their thong because they got soaking wet just talking about it. Send them playful texts about whether or not they’re a virgin and what would happen if they lit the Black Flame Candle. Tell them to ride your broomstick. I’m telling you fellas, you wanna get laid this month, Hocus Pocus is your best best. And with the shenanigans Lifetime pulled this past weekend, you have a full 30 days before Halloween to use it. Its an All Hallows Eve Miracle this year. Don’t waste it.