Everyone In Boston Jerked Off While Snowed In... Duh

data via PornHub

Statistics like this bring us to a somewhat harrowing realization: the only thing keeping everyone from fucking themselves nonstop and laying in puddles of their own filth is the absence of a State of Emergency. You know how people often ask “if you won the lottery and could quit your job, what would you do?” If someone ever answers anything but “PornHub. So much fucking PornHub” then they’re just embarrassed and are giving a fake answer. Because that’s the reality and it’s a proven fact. If you didn’t have to go to work then you would just fuck your own dick all day. Time to accept that no one really wants to travel the world, or find a fun hobby, or whatever else liars say they’d do without the responsibility of work. You’d sin all day. That’s what you’d do.