Check Out How My Rivals Are Living

The most unfortunate part of my circumstance is that it's 100% true.

Read about how my little brother and his friends ate my jambalaya here.

There is a war taking place inside my home. My little brother and his friends think that every bottled drink, bag of chips, and ice cream sandwich in our house belongs to them. They even ate my leftover Jambalaya.

Obviously, a shift in the power paradigm is needed, but picking a fight with 17-year olds isn't for the faint of heart. Their unfinished brains are a 50/50 mix of confidence and cluelessness. Their outlook on life is live fast, die never. They think they're immortal.

Just check out how these guys are living:

If you skipped by that video and didn't watch it, please watch it. It's unfathomable.

Let's go shot for shot.

Here is my brother stretched diagonally across the bed, mummified in a Native American quilt. On the dresser next to him is Chex Mix in a bowl. Next to that is Chex Mix spilled on the dresser. It doesn't look like he ate any of the Chex Mix at all. He was probably full from eating my jambalaya. 

Moving into the rest of the room, there's three chairs scattered around the TV. Keep in mind there that there are four guys. I like to think that they reserve two chairs for current gamers, a third for the guy on deck, and whoever is in the hole just has to stand. 

On the floor, there's a stove lighter and what appears to be a Juul. My brother holds strong to the story that he doesn't Juul. Still, my mom has caught him red-handed over 100 times. My theory is that he is being framed. Think about it. If—for some odd reason—he got grounded during this quarantine, he definitely wouldn't be allowed to see his friends. But with the unusual circumstance, his friends can't really go home so he'd probably just get sent downstairs with me. That would open up his bed for someone else...

This guy is sleeping on the floor of the closet. He's the one I think is framing my brother. He needs a bed. He's also the oldest of the bunch (18) and therefore has easiest access to tobacco products. Lastly, he is the tallest of the group, so him being the one they put on the floor in a tiny closet is very much in line with how nothing they do makes any sense.

The bathroom is fresh out of toilet paper, three times over. Also, they have a plunger.

Oh no.

It appears that the plunger wasn't enough. 

This was the type of clog that can only be caused by eating too much of a heavy dish—like, for an example, jambalaya. By the look of it, one of these young men dropped a log so legendary that the only possible solution was to cut it in half with a pair of school scissors. It was definitely a gross task, but the toilet is flushed so it was must've ultimately been successful. 

As he cleaned up the mess, the suspect must have been informed that he was on deck for video gaming. In order to avoid being skipped over, and have to be the guy standing without a chair, he aborted the clean up mission, and moments later, mesmerized by the playstation, forgot about the incident entirely. 

That's my guess of why it looks like there is poop on the scissors.

Nothing crazy happening in this frame, just want to illustrate that we are now entering into another room. The handle is broken, but as my friends over at Fore Play say, "par for the course."

Here we have another one of my brother's friends sound asleep. Please do not forget that this video was taken at 1pm in the afternoon. I'm not hating. I've been there. However, I need to paint an accurate picture for you. 

This guy is sleeping in my little brother's old room. Back when I was living here, we used to share a bathroom. Obviously, we don't anymore as it is now the pathway between the two sections of their evil lair.

Finally, here is me. This is the look of a man up to his eyeballs in warfare.

I am still undecided on my next move. My biggest advantage is that I have you to help me brainstorm. In most cases, if you were beefing with someone and wrote about it on a public platform, your enemy would read every word. But fortunately for me, none of these guys read. I'm not even sure that they can. With that in mind, don't be scared to reach out with tips to help me win back dominance in my house's hierarchy.