Ladies and gentlemen...this beautiful magnificent man has done it. He cracked the code!
You can open the bars back up. We can get the sports leagues going again. We have finally found the way back to normalcy and it all takes is to equip everybody with a noodle helmet. The government can keep their silly little $1200. How much could these possibly cost to produce? A few dollars each? Plus you can get them in a variety of different colors if you want. And then once this whole thing passes us by, now you have a fun new toy to play with in the pool this summer. Pretty sure you can't play around with a stimulus check in the pool.
The human mind is capable of greatness, and this is just another example of pure brilliancy. One small trip to Lowe's, one giant leap for mankind.