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I Dove Head First Into The World Of VR Porn Last Night

So yesterday I was blessed with a gift from the Gods. The Porn Gods that is. Around 2pm I was setting up my domain for a stream with the lovely Natalia Garibotto (@nataagataa on IG) when a package was dropped on my porch. My mother happened to be the lucky one to retrieve said package. What could it be, we wondered. Next thing we knew we whipped out the scissors and we're cutting into the cardboard like Guy Fieri cuts into a tender steak on Triple D. 

Once the box was open & thrown to the side we had a huge party bag in our hands that for some reason featured a Tyrannosaurus Rex saying "time to party". I don't hate it. Yet there was still massive suspense running through my mind as I'm sure you've all witnessed with the #unboxings there could be ANYTHING in those boxes. Inside the T-Rex bag happened to be something else that heavy, shaped like a shoebox, and wrapped up AGAIN. Luckily there was a simple note taped to it which turned out to be from Lisa Ann! Yes, that Lisa Ann! It said "thank you for being you" (Lisa you are WELCOME) with a login for VR Pornography website that Lisa's VR videos happen to be on. Great! As we progressed even more it turned out the shoebox was an Oculus Quest..aka you can watch porn on there. And as thrilling as this may have been, realize my mother was standing next to me throughout this whole process. I may fuck around & win the WSOP with the stone cold face I had to put on for the next few moments.

Eventually I gained control of the situation & began trying my new gear on.

Something about watching VR Porn with the Sun still up felt wrong...so I decided we'd wait until WAY after dusk. Before the porn journey began we of course had to go through the VR tutorials. I mean you know what they say- in order to watch VR Porn first you have to cut up a rug with virtual robots & play ping pong with the air (seriously, those were the tutorials).

Once that was over, I thought it was showtime. That was until I saw all the other options like boxing as Adonis Creed or riding rollercoasters! It's legitimately like walking into a whole new world...There's those crazy apps, everything is obviously right in front of you, and not to mention Oculus hooks you up with a sweet crib for a home screen featuring a mountainside-view & plexiglass walls (I've always wanted a house with plexiglass walls). 

After being captivated by new world it was FINALLY showtime. I logged onto that website and next thing I knew Lisa Ann was immensely nervous because it was her first time cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my family & friends. Mere moments later she revealed to me that being so nervous just so happens to make her horny. Jackpot!

Now my mind is racing- do we have enough time before my family & friends arrive for Thanksgiving dinner? Plot twist- WE DID! Lisa woke up extra early to finish cooking with more than enough time. As for the porn part it was pretty interesting. It's practically like a virtual no-touch lap dance? Hopefully that makes sense. 

The final thing I will mention about VR Porn is a massive hurdle that I don't think anyone foresees when talking about this. Just one statement & I'm done- aim is a problem when you have a 20 Oz VR Headset covering your eyes. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

I am still trying to learn the ropes though. If anyone reading this knows some really cool things you can do with an oculus, even outside the world of erotica, let me know! I'm down to try anything. I will leave you all with my new favorite meme template. Have a great day.

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