Brian Westbrook is Really Pissed About Tom Brady Giving Terrible Advice to the Children of America. Or Something.

So Brian Westbrook heard the same Tom Brady/Howard Stern interview we all did. One of the best, most insightful interviews I've heard in forever. Two full hours of one of the most careful, image conscious public figures of our time being as candid as he's ever been. And that's his takeaway? That's what he's mad about? Brady is what? Failing the youth of America by telling them not to go through life with a backup plan? 

I'll be honest with you, this part barely registered with me. I was way more caught up in hearing him describe how basically Gisele Yoko'ed the Brady-Belichick Dynasty by demanding Tom spend more time at home helping her fold laundry and less time running route trees with his rookie and free agent receivers. Or how he and Belichick have a great relationship built on mutual respect, but Belichick wants to keep winning championships while Gisele wants to live under palm trees in Derek Jeter's mansion on the shore of Tampa Bay. Hell, I still haven't gotten over his giant testicle story from 2006:


“I thought when I got hit, something happened. It ended up being a hernia in the game, where the abdomen wall split open. I don’t know all the details. But other than that, my testicles — literally, one side was like an orange and then the other side was normal. I was like, ‘Something’s wrong here.'

“The guy who was my backup quarterback at the time, Matt Cassel, drew pictures of me with this one huge testicle on one side, and then he would leave them in my locker every day. ‘Purple Balls,’ he’d call me because I got all bruised up. Man, that (expletive) hurt."

As a quick aside, where was all this hilarious swollen ball talk when he was in New England?

But OK, Brian Westbrook is latching onto that part where Brady poisoned the minds of America's youth with his terrible life coaching. It doesn't move the needle for me, but whatever. I think the point the GOAT was making has to do with Believing in Yourselfism or Focusing on Your Achieving Dreamsishness or some such self help book crap. I'm not sure because I wasn't paying much attention to that part. 

What I do know if that I'm taking advice on reaching your dreams from anyone, it's going to be from the guy who's exceeded every wildest fantasy of every male in the history of the human race. Who by all expectations could've easily been a camp cut as the fourth string quarterback in 2000, and is still dominating life two decades later. If he says don't have a backup plan, I suggest we all get rid of all our backup plans because they must be slowly killing all our hopes. I imagine it's like how you're more likely to make it across a beam that's 50 stories in the air than one lying on the ground because there is no backup plan for plummeting do your death. Or as Ramius puts it in "Hunt for Red October," "When he reached the New World, Cortez burned his ships. As a result, his men were well motivated."

I guess. I don't know. I'm still more fixated on literally everything else that he said in the other 119 minutes. But you do you, FS1.