Emergency Situation In North Reading: These Two Mini Donkeys Have Escaped Their Pen And Are Missing

NECN – Two mini-donkeys have gone missing from their stable in North Reading, Massachusetts, police say. The donkeys went missing from their stable on Haverhill Street on Sunday. Both of the donkeys should be wearing blankets. The owner says they are shy, but friendly. Anyone with information on their whereabouts should contact police at (978) 664-3131.

OH SHIT! So much for this being a relaxing Tuesday morning. So much for worrying about fake headlines like Deflategate. We just got hit square in the face with a real life issue. We got 2 cute ass donkeys wandering the streets of North Reading. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. We’ll have Frank Carey set up a command center at North Reading High School. We need our best men on this people. Wooden Glove and Sliding Champs only. Also what are the donkeys names! How the hell are we supposed to call them if we don’t know their names? WHAT ARE THEIR FUCKING NAMES!!!!!  (If I had to guess I’d say Harold and Leonard.  Leonard goes by Lenny though)

Hang in there donkeys!   I’m coming and I’m bringing Stella and Extraordinary Clara with me.    AKA – The A Team.