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This WWII Song Might Help Your Long Distance Relationship Survive The Quarantine

This whole quarantine/isolation movement is a big deal in flattening the curve but it might also flatten your love life if you're one of the thousands of couples now split apart until this is over. Or especially if you were already long distance and now you have zero clue when you'll be able to travel to see them again. 

But hey! Don't quit! You can make it work! You just have to keep things fresh and interesting. 

So I've been looking for ways to help people out with that and I thought back to my time in the military. I was engaged during my first deployment and only had snail mail so we wrote each other literally every single day (even though the mail only got picked up and dropped off a couple times a month).  Honest to God I even put stick-figure nudes in there, like a stick-figure him wheel-barreling a stick-figure me on a stick-figure coffee table (oh, and also a Polaroid of my boobs once) to keep things spicy. 

With that in mind I went through the rolodex of how other couples have handled long distance love throughout the course of history. It turns out that we are most certainly not alone, and it inspired me this afternoon to sing a little tune. 

If you're away from your guy right now & want him to know you care, send him this little sweet ditty from WWII. Or if you're a guy, hint to your partner that you'd like to hear more of this type of thing. Communication is key:

The Long D (Distance) 

A day, a week, a month a year,

Who knows how long,

Without you here..

You’re lonely and 

And I fear you’ll give me up

For I know that isolation,

means long distance love frustration.

Life’s uncertain,

Communication’s tough

Would it help

If I told you

That you got a big 'ol penis, 

It’s a honker,

And I hanker for your love

Would it help

If I sang out

That I wish you’d pull your wang out,

It’s a winner

Eat it for dinner, yes my love

Times are hard

But you get harder,

at your deli

I would barter

Please throw that Veiny meatstick 

On my grill

On some sunny day 

When this is through

I’ll let you do me where I poop

Just hang in with me 

As long as you hang now

Penis penis penis penis

Penis singin bout your penis

Penis penis

Penis penis

Yes your hog

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If you're still reading this today marks 1 month alone on isolation for me and, yes, I am indeed losing my mind. ha ha