A Tiger At The Bronx Zoo Tested Positive For COVID-19 Because The Simulation We Are Living In Is Broken

I am not going to ask how a tiger can get COVID-19 or how a collection of tigers can get a COVID-19 test before some humans. Instead I am just going to chalk this up to the algorithm of the fucked up simulation we are living in seeing a humongous spike in tiger talk on the internet/text messages and mistakenly adding a group of sick jungle cats to the ever-growing list of infections in New York City. I could make this blog longer but our attention spans are all shot now that we are living on our phones in quarantine (Source: All of our Screen Time Reports this morning).

So instead I am just going to say fuck coronavirus along with whatever dickhead ate that bat and ask everyone out there to stay inside for their own health, the health of everyone else, and for life to become normal sooner rather than later. Oh yeah and if anyone sees a Reset button for this simulation, please hold onto it for 10 seconds or until the light starts to flash.