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Boston Picked To Represent the United States For the 2024 Olympics

Boston Opening Ceremonies


So the big news on the streets is that Boston beat the piss out of LA, Washington and San Francisco to be the lone candidate to represent the US to host the 2024 Olympic Games.  In other words it’s basically a done deal.  Yeah I know we still have to beat other countries but come on. This is America. This is Boston. When is the last time we lost a world war? Oh right. Never. So for better or for worse the Olympics are coming to the hub of the universe.  Naturally you already have curmudgeons bitching and moaning about how awful this is going to be.  I think John Dennis may commit suicide just so he doesn’t have to spend an extra 3 minutes in traffic.   Sure it will be frustrating, shady and a headache, but you just got to hate life if you don’t want the Games to come here.  I just wish I wasn’t like a hundred years old by the time it happens. I mean I’m gonna be a cool 46 years old in 2024. Gonna need a cane to be sneaking around the Olympic village looking for the action. Sort of depressing. But as I said in my previous blog about this it’s a once in a lifetime type thing.  You just got to accept it’s going to be a cluster fuck for 2 weeks and do what Boston people aren’t very good at doing. Relax and enjoy the party.  The good far outweighs the bad.


Anyway I guess it’s time to start thinking about who will light the torch right? I whipped together a quick list. Here would be my top 10 candidates.

10. Gronk



He should be finishing up his career around 2024. He’ll probably be the most famous player in the NFL. An icon from sea to sea. All the chicks in the Olympic Village dying for the chance to meet our Greek God. And obviously him spiking the torch after lighting it would be the perfect way to start the games


9. Superfat/Big Daddy Smooth Together 

bigdaddysmooth superfat

The two faces of the Boston Sports fan. Superphat in his his Pats jersey and Big Daddy Smooth in his Pats/Sox/Celtics/Bruins jersey.


8. Nomar

Still the greatest hitter I’ve ever seen. Have him wear batting gloves and do his routine before lighting the torch.

7. Doug Flutie

The pride of Natick. (Not Needham)  A BC guy. An underdog. The only local pro athlete on this list.  Only potential issue with Flutie is you know he’d try to wiggle his way into competing in a couple events.

6. Bill Russell

The greatest Celtic of them all. I would have put him higher on this list but he’ll be 91 by the time the Games roll around. That’s certainly an X factor.

5. Bird

Do I even need to say anything?

4. CT

These are the moments when CT shines. When the entire world is watching. Choo Choo….hey Germanuy better get off the tracks! We’re gonna take gold medals out of your pocket all day everyday off camera everyway. (I would have said France but not in light of recent developments)

3. Tom Brady



If we’re trying to be fancy and act like we’re all perfect looking and date supermodels and that Massholes are the perfect the human race than Brady is our guy.  He’s just not very Boston.


2. Marathon Bombing Survivors




Marc Fucarile, Jeff Bauman etc. Nobody embodies the spirit of Boston more than all these people. My guess is this is actually who will get the nod and rightfully so. If it were any other city they are the #1 choice by a mile. But they forgot about 1 man.


1. Bill Belichick


Boston Opening Ceremonies


It’s gotta be Bill right? The greatest football coach of all time. A household name from Nantucket to Nambia. He’ll probably have 7 Superbowl rings by then and he’ll still be the same exact guy. Cut off hoodie, warm up pants etc. Do your job. Light the torch.  We’re onto the Olympic Games…..



Sidenote - Guys like Bobby Orr and Papi weren’t eligible because they aren’t Americans.  Or maybe they have duel citizenship but Orr is Canada first and Papi is the Dominican.  Need guys who would compete for America in the Olympics.