Florida Man Wielding Spay Bottle Labeled 'COVID-19' Terrorizes Local Business
Secret agents and their villains have been known to have some of the most high-tech gadgets. Things like the laser watch, the radio watch, a watch that detonates bombs, but also doubles as a watch, a watch that works as a GPS tracker, the watch that sprays noxious gas, the list goes on and on. One Florida man's attempt at one of these gadgets was a cross between the watch with noxious gas, and the virus bomb in XXX, the first one with Vin Diesel, the good one, not that Ice Cube sell-out shit. You know what I'm talking about, right? The crazy tattooed, fur coat wearing Russian gang Anarchy 99, with the dirtiest accents you've ever heard and they have that crazy bomb that will release some lethal gas and kill everyone. You know...
That.
This Florida man's tactical device has him facing charges of using or threatening to use a weapon of mass destruction. 50-year-old David White of Jacksonville, Florida, was arrested this week after authorities got a report of a tattoo faced psycho spraying the local pet supermarket with a bottle of yellow liquid, presumably piss, labeled 'COVID-19'.
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The weapon's simplicity surely matches the wielder in this scenario, and no word has come of its' effectiveness. Witnesses said White was only able to spray the entrance to the store and can be heard yelling something like "NOW Y'ALL GOT THE CORONA!" With Guilty tattooed all over his face, White was easy to track down and was promptly arrested. While taking reports of the description of the suspect, I'm sure it wasn't long before police knew exactly who they were looking for.
"You say he's got tattoos for eyebrows? Oh, okay ma'am, that's David. Yeah, We'll go get 'em."
White is locked up where he belongs and probably will regret spraying people with whatever he bottled up when he takes his first loogie to the face walking to his cell.
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