You're All Working From Home Anyway So Here Are The Pornhub Comments Of The Week

If there's one thing I know for a fact, it's that the whole nation has been treating themselves to a little "on the clock beat sesh" over the past few weeks. Working from home and don't have to worry about Carol from accounting walking over and seeing what tabs you have open? Folks,,,,the nation is all sorts of horned up during this quarantine and just like Jason DeRulo once famously said, we're ridin' solo. 

So since you probably already have the site pulled up anyway, let's highlight the best batch of this week in freaks. 

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Listen, folks. As previously mentioned, we're all a little horny now. But maybe--and try to stick with me here--juuuuuust maybe we don't need to go around sticking our dicks into anything that has an opening around the house. And if you're going to fuck your computer, the least you can do is throw a condom on. Don't wanna get any viruses. 

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Wanna know what really gets my rocks off? Sticking to quarantine and practicing safe social distancing. 

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Love to see Gordon Bombay out here mixing it up in the comments. Still think you should be able to return it as long as the tag is still on there. I mean what are dressing rooms for anyway?

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It's gotta be pretty tough out there for landlords these days with so many people not able to pay their rent. Then mix in this moral dilemma on top of it all and it seems like landlords have it the worst out of all of us now. Either way, the only rent I'm interested in paying is the rent that is due every day for success. 

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I know there are plenty of plot holes in porn that are just comedically unrealistic. But someone doing their math homework in pen? C'mon. You gotta draw the line somewhere. You wanna tell me some guy has 47 stepmoms and he bangs all of them? I'm willing to bend my scope of reality on that. But math in pen is too far out of bounds. 

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I can't come up with any good porn ideas because this guy keeps farting! 

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One of the things I've noticed during this quarantine is that all of a sudden, everybody thinks they're a master chef. When in reality, most of you are just making shit like this. Bone apple tea. 

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Okay so the beginning of this comment lost me a little. But "parkin that beef bus in tuna town" is a turn of phrase so poetically structured that you'd think Shakespeare himself came up with it. You put that on a shirt and sell it to the Call Her Daddy subscribers? That's a billion dollar industry right there. 

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We're dealing with a global pandemic here, people. The likes of which none of us have ever seen before. So for the love of god, can we not be putting up videos that look like they were filmed on an original Motorola Razr?

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The evolution of man. The black plague led to the emergence of the Renaissance. The Spanish flu led to the roaring 20s. And the coronavirus will lead to....a new generation with big cocks and zero motivation. Humanity had a good run while it lasted. 

Very cool, Raul! Hope to see you and everybody else again next week. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you all enjoyed your stay. 

Quarantine Anthem 2020. 

@BarstoolJordie