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There Are Simply Too Many People Rollerblading Now Who Clearly Shouldn't Be Rollerblading

With public gyms closed down all across the nation, many folks are now forced to find other modes of physical exercise. You could go the home gym route if possible, you could ride a bike if you have one, or you could take up running. But some people don't have enough space and/or equipment in their home for a makeshift gym. Some people don't have a bike. And some people think that running is absolute torture and the only time you should run is if it's for your life. Very understandable. 

So when you're running low on options, it seems like rollerblading has been the biggest winner of coronavirus so far because I've seen more people wheeling around Philly over the past 2 weeks than I have my entire time on Earth. I'm not sure if this is a nationwide phenomena or not--I live near a pretty popular run/bike path in Philly so I'm sure my numbers are a little skewed, but whatever. The fact of the matter is there has been a massive surge in soul skaters since the gyms have shut down. And typically I'd be thrilled with this movement but the only issue here is be perfectly honest, there are just way too many people out there who really shouldn't be on rollerblades right now. Or at least not in public. 

Listen, I'm all for people trying to keep up with their fitness during this pandemic. I understand that fresh air and getting some exercise is crucial for a lot of different reasons. But I also know that hospitals can't be filled up right now with people who broke their arms because they can't stay on their feet while they're blading down the street. Please allow Patrick Marleau and Claude Giroux to properly teach some of you benders how to blade. 

Bend your knees. Get a good, solid base. Swing your arms. And if you can't keep your balance on your own, grab a baby in the stroller and use that to prop you up. Don't have a baby? Get to fuckin' and pop one out 9 months later. Chances are the gyms will still be closed then. Let the wheels do the working for you. Generate power with your stride. Don't just stomp around like a puppy with socks on their feet. 

All I'm saying is that if you're in an area that is pretty congested with runners and bikers, maybe give yourself a little time to practice first before breaking out the blades. Because if you don't know what you're doing out there you're either going to A) bust your ass or B) get in somebody's way and then they're going to bust your ass. 

Just a friendly little PSA for your resident blader.