Here's The Horrible Video CNN Prepared To Air In Case The World Ended In The '80s

 
(Source) — Thirty-four years ago, at the launch of Ted Turner’s Cable News Network, the founder made a grandiose and specific promise about his newly created round-the-clock operation. “Barring satellite problems, we won’t be signing off until the world ends,” Turner declared. And in anticipation, he prepared a final video segment for the apocalypse: We’ll be on, and we will cover the end of the world, live, and that will be our last event. We’ll play the National Anthem only one time, on the first of June [the day CNN launched], and when the end of the world comes, we’ll play ‘Nearer My God To Thee’ before we sign off.

People thought he was joking. We have proof that he wasn’t. Below is the never-before-seen video the last living CNN employee will be required to play before succumbing to radiation poisoning, the plague, zombies, or whatever crazy end Turner saw coming. It lives on CNN’s Newsource archive system, under the name TURNER DOOMSDAY VIDEO. Reflecting its status as an artifact, not to be used except in the ultimate emergency, it’s in standard definition, with an aspect ratio of 4:3, perfect for the cathode-ray tube televisions of the 1980s.
 

BOOOOOOOO!!!! Borrrrrinnngggggggggg! What was that, the fucking song they played while the Titanic sank? Depressing and unoriginal. If I’m dumb enough to be sitting in front of my TV when the world ends then I want to be dazzled. Play me some Van Halen with all kinds of clips of the cocaine 80s and shit. People partying their tits off. Don’t be one of these boring ass people with a sad funeral. Don’t cry for the life we lost, celebrate the life we had. Ever heard of an Irish wake, Ted Turner? Whiskey. That’s all you need. You think the dinosaurs huddled around a TV and watched some sad as music right before that meteor hit? I doubt it, I highly doubt it. CNN gets an F for their end of the world tribute. 0/10, I will not be tuning in.