Live EventTeam Minihane vs. Minihane B-Team | Match 90, Season 4 - The Dozen Trivia LeagueWatch Now
Stella Blue Coffee | Win A Game Day Experience With Big CatLEARN MORE

Advertisement

Casting A Movie About The 2016 Chicago Cubs

I miss the Cubs so damn much. 

Yesterday should have been Opening Day at Wrigley and as I write this I should be getting ready to sit down with a pack of seeds and watch a 2:20 (1:20 CT) first pitch against the Buccos. 

I remember being excited about March 1 because of course March Madness to come, but even more so because when it finally hits March you know Cubs baseball is so close you can smell the Old Style all the way from Indy (OK just in my mind). 

So what do you do when you have no clue when you'll watch the Cubs again and you've already watched the 2016 World Series run over again? 

Cast a non-existent but probably should one day happen movie about that squad of course. I'll be clear - my main factors are looks. If they can pull of the look then that's what I'm going for. There will be a few exceptions of people who I think have the chops to not look really similar but their acting is good enough that they can pull it off. 

Let's start at the top: 

Tom Ricketts (Chairman): John Cusack

Pretty close. He's already a Cubs fan and is well-versed with the 2016 run since FOX showed him or Bill Murray after every 4 pitches during that postseason. I see this more as a pop in and out character. Won't be starring as much as featuring, but a solid feature here. And he won't be the first Cubs fan actor to show up on this cast. 

Theo Epstein (President of Baseball Operations): Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Hear me out. This would be a nice role for Gordon-Levitt to take on at this point in his career. Remember, Epstein was a numbers Ivy League guy. Gordon-Levitt could pull this off with the proper haircut and slight lisp. He's got that "boyish" quality that people still think of with the wunderkind. I was Ray Liotta was like 30 years younger because then he would have been a no-brainer for this. A lot of resemblances there in my opinion. This one was tough, though. 

Advertisement

Joe Maddon (Manager): Bill Murray

Bad picture of Bill here, but this one was a given for me. I always thought Maddon was a lot younger than Murray but he just had the silver fox look going on. Not true. Murray is only three years older than Maddon. The quirkiness and personality of Maddon align perfectly with Murray's personality, and hey, the lifelong Cubs fan deserves this role in my opinion. 

Anthony Rizzo (1B): Ansel Elgort

Throw a Cubs hat and a few extra lbs in the face on Angel and I think we got ourselves a pretty good Rizzo. Now, could he pull off the Rizzo sway at the plate? Would be key. 

Kris Bryant (3B): Justin Hartley

My initial thought was Zac Efron. Big star playing a big star. The icy blue eyes. But then I couldn't get over the height. Efron is barely 5'8. KB is a towering 6'5. Just don't think that could work. I'm not sure if this is one that just so happened to come to me or because me and my wife watched like 5 hours of This Is Us on Monday night, but I think Hartley could nail it. He's 6'2, in good shape, sharp jaw (wow I'm blushing), but for real - put some blue contacts in and I think we have our KB. 

David Ross (C): Corey Stoll

This one was a lot like Epstein with Liotta. If Jeff Bridges (Big Lebowski) was 30 years younger then he'd be the guy to play Grandpa Rossy hands down. Unfortunately he's not. Corey Stoll (House of Cards) has that rough, mountain wolf type grey look just like Rossy. Plus his experience from playing a "leader" in House of Cards could be beneficial in being the clubhouse leader for the 2016 Cubs. Just with less prostitutes and DUIs. The bald head helps, too. 

Javy Baez (2B): Javy Baez

Sorry - I just really can't see / don't think anyone can pull Javy off so why not let Javy just be Javy. 

Ben Zobrist (LF): Chris Evans

Knock the game winning hit in Game 7 of the World Series to bring home the first World Series in 108 years? Hell fuckin' yeah you get Captain America to play you in a biopic. Don't need to say anything more. 

Dexter Fowler (CF): Mahershala Ali

Probably my favorite casting so far. Ali is a pretty serious actor so it'd be interesting to see how he recreates Dex's fun-loving personality as the leadoff hitter on that team. No doubt he can nail it. 

Jake Arrieta (P): Christian Bale

Love Christian Bale. So diverse. You know he'd get the beard just right and get totally JACKED like Arrieta for this one. Had to fit him in this star-studded cast somewhere. Arrieta is the perfect fit. 

Jon Lester (P): Sam Worthington

Sam Worthington gets the honor and big roll of playing the country lovin', deer huntin' southpaw. For me, it was the eyes that did it. 

Kyle Schwarber (DH): Luke Hemsworth

I take back what I said earlier. Schwarbs was the hardest to get. I didn't even know there was a third Hemsworth. That's why I went to my guy Jeff D. Lowe for an assist on this one. The probably with Kyle is he's thick and athletic. Everyone in Hollywood is either super fit, or is James Corden / Josh Gad. Way too big and not believable to be someone who dominated the World Series after missing an entire season. Hemsworth is stocky enough, has the facial features enough I think to pull this one off. Now can he rake like Schwarbs? That's the biggest question. 


Quarantine puts a lot of time on all of our hands. Let's hear your casting calls plus…titles? 

I'm thinking "We Did Not Suck"? Or a more traditional "108". 

Either way, I fuckin' miss the Cubs.