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Lower The Flags To Half Mast: Longtime Stoolie and Gorilla Subira Has Gone To Valhalla

 It is with a heart so heavy that it is legally required to be adorned with a “two-man lift sticker” that I announce to you that our beloved Subira has gone on to the big zoo in the sky. I hate this, not just for me but for all of us. Countless blogs. Endless tales. The legend of Subira has grown like a goiter without an iodine treatment.

Goiters are very interesting but that’s a blog for another time. I’m in a period of mourning (About the gorilla death) so I can’t get into that right now. Back to the point at hand.

Fuck. This is just nearly too much. I know the good Lord promises to never give us more than we can handle but right now, in 2020, I just wish she wouldn’t trust us as much, you know? Rest easy, my giant ape friend. Rest easy. May the bananas be perfectly ripe and the sunshine always on your beautiful, silver back.

We love you, Subira. We always will.

Hit it.

Whoops. Wrong one. Hold on. Fuck. I know I have this in here somewhere….

No…

That’s not it…

Dammit…

This is taking forever…

Ah, yes. Here we go. Hit it.