Dude Spits On Oranges In A Market, Gets Karate Chopped To Bolivian By The Owner

Ok so none of that is true. Minus, of course, the slap. That part is prettay, prettay undeniable. But this video is very very old, and has nothing to do with Corona virus. But its going re-viral because its been packaged together with a made up story that includes corona virus and people are like "OMFG!" "Zoinks!" Its a great way to get those retweets and likes right now. Twitter has been around long enough now that theres new users and young users who never saw some of this app's greatest moments so you can get away with posting old shit. That son of a bitch Rex Chapman makes a living off of that right now. Just posts old videos and says "Dogs, bruh" or "This is the twitter content I'm here for" and people eat it up. He even did it to himself the other day. Posted a disabled kid walking for the first time and it was the same video he posted back in August. He's ripping himself off ripping other people off. Cant knock the hustle, man. Dont hate the player hate the game. If you're an Internet 1.0 guy like myself, its infuriating. But while I sit over here with my own dick up my ass (its lonely in quarantine) playing by some unwritten code of the internet where you dont post things unless they are brand-fucking-new, the Rex Chapman's of the world are racking up these viral numbers. To each their own, I suppose.

But if you havent seen this video until now, its fun to imagine a guy spitting a corona loogie onto produce and getting "mollywhooped into another dimension," as my esteemed colleague Smitty would say. That has gotta be the greatest karate chop of all time right? Not since Mr. Miyagi saved Sato in the typhoon that hit Okinawa have I seen such a powerful chop:

I mean he turned his head and neck HORIZONTAL!

Thats gonna require some chiropractic care. All from a little "HI-YA!' Incredible execution. With the LEFT too! That guy has gotta be left handed otherwise I cannot even IMAGINE what would have happened if he caught him with his dominant right hand. He would have legitimately decapitated him. 

And like all great viral videos, this has the extra little X-Factor. Something that separates it from the million other knockout videos you've seen. And thats the oranges falling on his head, plucked straight out of a Looney Tunes cartoon. Fruit cascading down on his concussed head like he was a cartoon character that just got knocked out. I was waiting for one of those lumps on his head to grow out of his scalp. Remember those scenes as a kid? Those lumps either looked like a dog's red rocket boner:

Or a cartoon ballsack:

Anyway, in summation:

A) Old videos are go reviral these days because of
       i. Twitter is old enough to have a new wave of users
       ii.Corona virus is a popular way to frame old videos as new

2) This was the most powerful karate chop ever captured on camera

d) Cartoon injuries look like various depictions of the male genitalia          

PS - This is how you turn an old video into a new blog. Take notes, young bloggers.