Ranking My Favorite Cups In My Apartment

Everyone know there's a cup hierarchy in all houses so let's go through mine! 

*stares at the camera Halpert style*

I don't fucking know, man.

1. Rocks glass

The clear number one. Personalized rocks glasses. I like whiskey and I like my name so this is really a perfect glass for me. If your initials weren't JHF it probably wouldn't be this high on the list but mine are so it takes the top spot.

Plus, the bottom kinda looks like a butthole and I think that's funny.

Fun fact: those initials don't actually represent my name. They're my grandfather's glasses and we have the same initials but a different first name.

2. Pint Glass

I'm superficial as hell and just like things that look cool and this glass looks cool. You wouldn't think the art of a vulture would be something that you reach for, but it is. I get bored while drinking so it's nice to be able to hold something in your hand and give it a good look. 

3. Hoegaarden Pint Glass

This is my milk glass. It's just got a weight to it that screams "Why don't you pour a bunch of 2% in here to quench that thirst and also make yourself feel bloated at the same time, which is what everyone wants." Plus it's got a great grip to it. I wouldn't drop that sucker on a goal line dive. 

4. Regular Pint Glass

This one is part of a set so I feel bad singling out this particular glass, but it's a fine glass. I don't necessarily like my girls thick, but I love my cups thick. You see the love handles on that bad boy? Gotta have something to grab onto while you're tonguing down some Brita.

5. Wine glass

It holds wine good.

6.  Protein shaker

I don't do a ton of protein shakes but this is what I use for water when I'm hungover. I'm convinced putting something in a healthy glass puts more vitamins into the beverage itself. Don't quote me on that, I'm not a scientist, but it make sense in my mind. Also this glass it appears taller than the others so I figure it holds more water for my hungover self, despite the fact it's definitely the same size. 

7. Network souvenir cup

Great play, meh cup. It's nice to relive those memories but I prefer to do it while looking at the cup rather than employing it. Plastic cups get a weird rim once they've been washed and around the block a few times.

8. Mean Girls souvenir rocks cup 

Same thing as the Network cup only smaller. Why would I use a plastic rocks glass when I've got personalized ones with a butthole bottom?

9. Protein shaker with an annoying thing

I don't even know what that is supposed to be used for? College kids to swing around on the other hand while they rip the yanward in their right? It make no fuckin sense but it serves to make the cap screw on weirdly and it leaks all over you and protein gets sticky and weird when it dries and I fucking hate it.

10. Eagles cup

Never used it, never will.