Guy Being Chased Runs Into a 7-11 and Douses Himself With Hawaiian Punch Slurpees

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HP — Things were quiet at a convenience store in Southern Oregon when a tattooed man came in and started dousing himself with Hawaiian Punch Slurpees. The Grants Pass Daily Courier reports the man had suffered burns and was being chased by two others Tuesday afternoon when he ran into the 7-Eleven store in downtown Grants Pass. Store clerk Charlie Bentley says he didn’t know what was going on, but he and another employee kept the two pursuers outside while the man filled his shirt from the Slurpee machine and rubbed the icy concoction on his skin. Police say they traced the disturbance back to a residence a few blocks away, where a man and a woman were burned with hot oil during a dispute between neighbors. They were not identified.


I need more info about this story in the most donnybrooking way. Why are they having hot oil fights? Why was he being chased? He 100% knew he was making a b-line for 7-11 right? Like, when his body got set on fire, he knew the only way to treat his wounds would be slathering himself in slurpees. Definitely would be my first move too. Probably grab a taquito or two off the rolling thingy before getting to the slurpee machines. Kinda curious why he chose Hawaiian Punch though. My go-to woulda been the Mountain Dew. Green is the opposite of red, so obviously helps the burns more. Cherry Coke too. I hope his slurpee decision doesn’t hurt his long-term heeling process.

PS: If you go get slurpees and don’t mix all 100 flavors, you’re doing it wrong.