Lawyers Are Expecting Divorce Rates To Skyrocket Due To Couples Self-Isolating Together

No doubt about it. Whenever this thing finally ends, there will be clear winners and losers. And starting at point guard on the winning team will definitely be the bank accounts of divorce lawyers. Business is going to be boomin.

Look, I'm already fighting with my roommate about something stupid damn near every two hours, and it's only been 10 days of being shut down here in Ohio. I think it's stupid that he thinks vacuuming everyday is going to keep the corona away, but that's not the point of this blog. But honestly, what the fuck? Coronavirus doesn't just skip over the apartments that have their pillows nice and neat on the couch? I think you're supposed to keep your hands clean, not your kitchen countertop. We don't need to have the cleanest living room in the midwest, especially if that means you're going to run that vacuum during my 2nd nap of the day.

ANYWAYS, back to the divorce blog. The lawyers are chomping at the bit here:

“Our peak times are after long exposure during the summer holiday and over Christmas,” she said. “One has only to imagine what it will be like when families are sealed in a property for a long period of time.”

Makes sense. I know you're supposed to marry your best friend and everything, but human nature is just not built to be stuffed in a house with the same person, confined 24/7. This quarantine is just a holiday break on steroids with the no work, but WITHOUT SPORTS. And without dates. And without friends hanging out. This is going to be really really bad. You can only hear "I told you so" so many times before you snap.

I mean, literally everyone on this Earth is in a bad mood over this. People are getting laid off. Money is tight. And there is no outlet at all. So yeah, I couldn't imagine having a life partner that you actually have to be nice to and care about their feelings and shit like that right now. And it sounds like we're just at the tip of the iceberg with this thing. They're saying this could last anywhere from 8 more weeks to 18 more months! If this shit lasts 18 months there will be literally no couples left on the face of this planet. Everyone will be coming out of quarantine fat, pale, single, and ready to mingle. There is definitely going to be a boom in divorces.

.......and probably a baby boom, too. (looks at calendar)......Right in time for Christmas! Oh boy, this just went from an ironic, silly thought to something actually very sad. But congrats to the divorce lawyers. What a great time to have a pandemic, right? Cha ching! I'm not sure who's going to be the busiest when this ends: Alcoholics Anonymous, marriage counselors, divorce lawyers, baby doctors, or bartenders.

Definitely bartenders.