Here's What A Group Of 9 Year Olds Listed For Why Being A Boy Sucks, And A 26 Year Old Blogger's Response

1. Not being able to be a mother

Brooooo. Stupid, stupid one. There’s literally nothing fun about being a mother. Nine months of being fat, few more months working no not being fat, then a lifetime of cooking meals, cleaning rooms and finding hidden cum rags. Not a single good thing. Being a dad on the other hand? Well you still get the kid, but only when you’re in the mood and when you’re not you can say to your wife “c’mon honey, I had a long day, I just want to relax.” Get to have a catch with the thing when you’re feeling athletic once every few months and you can make them do almost all your chores. You’re somewhere between a mom and a fun uncle, it’s a real solid sweet spot.

2. Not supposed to cry

Men can cry, anyone who says they can’t is a lie. But you can only do it in your car. Just do it behind the wheel and you’re fine. No one is attractive when they’re crying but as long as in your special place (the driver’s seat) you’re fine. Anytime a song strikes you, let it all out on the highway then get out of the car at your destination and be the handsome son of a bitch you are. If you ever feel like crying anywhere but the car just say something like “it’s dusty in here” or “someone’s chopping onions” or some other bullshit that acknowledges “I know this is supposed to be emotional so I want to convey that I understand that, but I’m not actually crying.”

3. Not allowed to be a cheerleader

Yes you can. In high school you can get all your teammates together and go to the chick who you want to fuck’s game with your chest painted and scream your heart out kind of ironically. It’s awesome. The girl loves it, her parents think you’re a sweetheart, and you still get to play sports.

4. Supposed to do all the work

Yup, this part sucks. Your whole life will be a battle with being expected to provide while also understanding and respecting the goals of feminism. It will be a challenge between being a gentleman and an asshole. You’ll always be toeing the line of “men don’t do anything anymore, chivalry is dead” and “why does he do everything, what a misogynistic asshole.” No part of that is fun, you hit the nail on the head.

5. Supposed to like violence

You don’t have to like violence, plenty of guys don’t. But trust me, you’re going to want to like violence. I’m not talking about being the guy who’s always getting in scraps on the playground which eventually evolves to bar fights, that guy is an asshole. But punching shit is awesome. Makes you feel so much better. Someone cuts you off on the highway? Punch the fuck out of your steering wheel. Fight on the phone with your girl? Take it out on the wall. I assure you, those are moves that you’re going to want in your back pocket to alleviate your anger. Otherwise it’ll bubble over.

6. Supposed to play football

I don’t really get this one. You’re supposed to play sports because sports are fun. You’re also supposed to do other fun shit like play cops and robbers and make fart noises with your armpit. Who the fuck put this on the list?

7. Boys smell bad

Stop rolling around in mud you stupid 9 year olds.

8. Having an automatic bad reputation

James Dean, ever heard of him? Even when you don’t have a bad reputation, pretend you do. Chicks dig the bad boy and they don’t actually have cooties.

9. Grow hair everywhere

You’re right, growing hair everywhere does suck. Sometimes wiping your ass is like trying to pick up dog shit out of tall grass. But want to know a little secret, kids? Chicks grow hair everywhere too. They just have to shave it all the fucking time. Be happy you don’t.