How has this been kept a secret from me until moments ago? Sofia Vergara has a smokeshow sister who’s my age? That means I’ve got a shot! Stop laughing. I know you think I’m crazy, right? But why won’t Sofia Vergara fuck me. There’s a long list, but it’s something like 1. she’s famous, 2. she’s rich, 3. she’s older, 4. because I’m WAY uglier than her. Well guess what? The first 3 reasons are non-existent with Sandra Vergara. She’s not famous, rich, or older. Sure I still have the whole being ugly thing to overcome, but ugly people have sex with people out of their class all the time. Famous people, rich people and older people don’t stray from their sweetspot nearly as often. So I’m not saying it’s a guarantee, but get me in a room with Sandra and this gross face has a puncher’s chance. That’s a fact.