Boston.Com Love Letters - My Boyfriend Goes Sailing With His Ex Every Weekend
The Question
Hi Meredith, my boyfriend and I have been dating for one year. He’s kind, thoughtful, and we have a lot of fun. The problem is that he is away every weekend sailing. He sails competitively and has become much more involved in this over the last six months. This is taking a toll on our relationship. I have expressed an interest in joining him and learning but he has not responded positively.
Another issue is that a member of his sailing team is his ex-girlfriend. I’m very uncomfortable with the fact that he chooses to spend every weekend with this group that includes her, leaving very little time for us to spend together. I love that he has a hobby that he is passionate about (I have my own interests and I make plans on the weekends too), but I feel that he needs to pay more attention to our relationship. He is unwilling to make plans with me just in case some sailing event is organized that he might want to attend. Am I being unreasonable?
– Feeling Neglected, Beverly
Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer
A:You’re not being unreasonable. You’ve supported his hobby and you want him to be happy, but there has to be something left for you when he gets off the boat. The ex-girlfriend isn’t as scary as his lack of interest in managing his schedule.
Ask him how this is supposed to work and keep the question open-ended. Think about whether you can live with his answer. If not, you may disembark.
Readers? How do you deal with a partner’s hobby? Should he let her into his sailing world? What about the ex?
– Meredith
Wait a minute? Did Hoss just say this chick shouldn’t worry about the fact that he goes sailing with his ex-girlfriend every weekend? Umm what? That’s the ENTIRE story here. Maybe the worst advice Hoss has ever given anybody about anything.
El Pres Answer
Dear Feeling Neglected,
Umm newflash your boyfriend is fucking his ex every single weekend. That’s why he doesn’t want you to come. Because he’s below deck just going hammertime on this broad. I mean it’s one thing to go golfing with your fat overweight buddies every weekend and it’s another to go sailing with your ex. It’s probably fucking yacht week every weekend for this dude and I wouldn’t even say he’s lying to you either. If I was hanging out with my ex girlfriend every weekend I’d assume the First Lady would know we’re smashing. How could you not? You don’t hang out with your ex near water and not fuck. Hell you don’t hang out with your ex on the mainland and not fuck. But boats and hos is like rule #1 of life. So honestly I don’t even have any good advice for you. I guess wake up?