I mentioned this morning on Twitter that my video I made to announce that I was taking a job at Barstool was a callback to my initial Barstool Heartland intern submission video over three years ago.
It was a funny, unique way I thought I could bring things full-circle.
Check it out here if you missed it:
In the video Mel Kiper Jr. (played by me) mentions how I got suspended in high school for being on Tosh.O and it "scared some GMs away" as a red flag, but overall it seems like a good fit.
A handful of you on Twitter either 1. didn't believe that it happened or 2. wanted to hear more about it.
So here it is. Let me take you back to March 2012, my senior year of high school, and the story of how I almost got expelled.
March 2012, 5th period
Two months left of school as a senior in high school is quite the time to be alive. You're soaking in every bit of you can while also realizing that you're about to be done with that place and on your way to the wonderful world of college so soon. I think Jonah Hill said it best in the comedy classic "Superbad". "
"There's two weeks left until graduation. These teachers should be lickin' my ballsack"
That's basically where you are once the calendar turns through February.
That's where I found myself in the most blowoff class possible with two months left until graduation. Zoology. It was the science class for misfit toys essentially.
The kids who were either too dumb or too lazy to take physics or some insane shit like that.
I, for one, knew I was never going to need any of that so why would I waste my time trying to figure it out when I could dick around with my buddies in good ol' zoology.
One afternoon the kid who sat next to me said, "hey man - Tosh is taking hardcore parkour submissions to be on his show. You should bring in a camera and film us doing parkour in this class."
I didn't take much convincing, so we told everyone the plan and by the end of the week I had my camera ready to roll with the whole class ready to jump across science tables.
What could go wrong?
5th period comes that day, and it was one of those split periods because of lunch so halfway through the class a bell would ring to let the lunch periods switch. We all had 6th period lunch, so 5th period was a full one for us.
However, the bell ringing right in the middle of class was a perfect signal for us to use to start our parkouring. It was like the silent count for an offense.
Our teacher went to the closet, we all got set, the bell rings, and well…you take a look. We're the first one (hence the bell).
That was it.
That was all it took.
Not even five seconds, but it was enough to do the job.
We were actually on spring break when the episode aired. I never got to go on spring break to Florida with the rest of my entire graduating class because my folks thought it was trouble, which it was. Little did they know I was getting in a little bit of trouble even while sitting in my basement because of that clip.
My buddies were calling me drunk off $7.99 Kamchatka losing their minds that the clip ACTUALLY made it on Tosh.O. He may have fallen off a bit here recently, but you have to put yourself in 2012. Tosh was a very, very big deal for young, dumb teenage dudes.
It was a super cool, proud moment. Until we got back from spring break.
Everything seemed to be fine and we were all having a laugh about it. Hell, we probably even bragged about it to the girl we were trying to take to prom.
Then one by one we each started to get called down to the Dean's office. Oh boy. Each kid in that class, since we all did it (at least I think we all did it and if you didn't then I'm sorry you missed out on the fun), got a two day suspension for taking part.
Now, if you notice in the video, I'M NOT EVEN IN IT. I had to film, and I became the fall guy.
There was rumors floating around that the President of the school wanted to expel me because the board of trustees were so pissed about how it made the school look. More like BORED of trustees am i rite?
It even got to the point where the local news picked up the story that we all got suspended for being on national tv for 5 seconds and they came to my house to do an interview with me.
It was quite the shit show for a while, and the perfect drama for an 18-year-old kid to relish in. So me and my parents met with the principal. He agreed that talk of expulsion was a tad bit dramatic and that a suspension was enough for me to pay for my crimes.
We accepted. Not that we had a choice. But I had already been accepted into college so the 4% it would take off each of my grades for each day I was suspended wasn't that big of a deal.
The best part?
I gave the Senior speech at the end of the year two months later in front of the whole school. What a bounce back story if I do say so myself.
Looking back now almost 10 years later and without all the cocky bravado of a senior in high school I realize it was pretty dumn and that I did deserve punishment. Like I said, I accept that. We all live and learn.
But at least I always had a good ice breaker on the first day of my college classes.