Zach Galifianakis Lost A Ton Of Weight And It's Really Freaking Me Out

Nope, not cool Galifianakis. Not cool at all. You were America’s fat friend. You were our weird and fat, but funny, friend. Now you just look like a weirdo. You see, as a big fat friend you have a responsibility to stay that way, losing weight throws off the whole dynamic of the group. You could tell me “Look dude I need to lose some weight. I’m a pound away from diabetes, my arteries are closing on me, it’s hard to wash the other side of my body in the shower and I have no idea what my penis looks like” and I’d just be like “Yeahhh but the roles are pretty set in our circle of friends. We don’t need a skinny, weird dude. Bobby has that covered.” Galifianakis violated this group friendship and now instead of being the goofy guy with the great beard he’s the creep with freaky hair. Crazy how a few pounds really make a man.

PS – Couldn’t afford a new suit after you lost a billion pounds? Come on dude, you’re swimming in that thing. Thought you had that Hangover money.