Very Educated People Are Saying The Cleveland Browns Are The Undisputed Offseason Champions, Again

"Ubiquitous members of every offseason winners list"!!!!!! Are there any sweeter words you can hear in sports? Sure, maybe hearing your quarterback say "I'm going to Disneyland" after winning a Super Bowl would be better, but at the end of the day, you need to crawl before you can walk. And this is the Cleveland Browns we're talking about here. Let's stay realistic.

But regardless, this is now the 2nd year in a row that the Browns are the offseason champions. Here's my theory: IF this coronavirus goes as long as some medical experts are saying it might, is there a chance the NFL gets cancelled too? If they take a complete year off from all sports, don't you have to award the Lombardi Trophy to the paper champs? And without question that would be the 2020 Cleveland Browns. Wow, our first ever Super Bowl. It's a shame we'll have to social distance during the parade, but hey, I'm not going to let that ruin the overall experience.

So yeah, we already had the big guns like Myles Garrett, OBJ, Jarvis Landry, Nick Chubb, Kareem Hunt, and I guess Baker. That's good enough right there to win the division if the head coach has a working brain this year. But we just went out and filled some MAJOR voids in our roster in these past couple days. Austin Hooper is apparently the best tight end in the entire league, according to Ian Rapoport, and now he's our 3rd best pass catcher. Jack Conklin will give Baker some much needed protection. Case Keenum is good enough to not ruin this entire season if Baker goes down. We got our new starting middle linebacker in BJ Goodson, who PFF rated higher than Joe Schobert last year. We got former 1st round safety Karl Joseph last night to bolster the secondary. Oh, and we got a fullback!!!!  

There is a 0.00% chance that this Browns team is bad this year. I'm trying to play all of the worst case scenarios through my head right now and I can't even think of one craziest enough where we finish anything worse than 11-5. I hate to admit it because I was so humbled by the absolutely awful season last year, but I have Browns Super Bowl fever again. And when we start winning, that shit is going to be the most contagious disease this country has ever seen.