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Just In Case Anyone Was Worried, Joe Thornton Ain't Going Anywhere Anytime Soon

I think we can all admit that we're living through a pretty scary time right now. Nobody knows exactly what is going on and nobody knows exactly how long this is going to go on for. The fear of the unknown is very much real. 

So while we try to work our way through these times, it's always nice to have some sense of normalcy to cling on to and take comfort in. That normalcy comes from the fact that Jumbo Joe is an absolute fucking savage and has no plans on retiring anytime soon. 

You think this beast of a man is running out of gas in the tank?

Think again, compadre. He may be turning 41 this summer on paper but in spirit? And more importantly--in heart and balls? Joe Thornton is still a spry young 28-year-old at most. And he's not going anywhere until he gets those glorious paws of his on Lord Stanley's Cup. 

Now all we need is for the San Jose Sharks to figure it the fuck out. Either get your shit together once we're allowed to start playing hockey again, or send Jumbo to a team that has it figured out. I know he said he has "years" to go but let's try to priority order this one. We don't need to take him up on those multiple years, let's try to get it done next year. Jumbo is the type of savage who will lace up and play until his body literally falls apart on him on the ice. I mean that's already been happening over the last few years but I mean until like his limbs are no longer attached. Let's not allow it to get all the way to that point. The whole league needs to come together here and do the right thing. Let's get Joe Thornton that Cup so he can finally ride off into the sunset on his lawnmower.