The Mayor Of Buffalo Had An Emergency Press Conference To Tell Bills Fans To Celebrate Tom Brady Leaving The Patriots At Home

For any Jared Letos still left out there the entire world is under lockdown. Coronavirus has everyone buying supplies as if the end times have arrived. It's consumed each and every one of us. That's something every elected official has to deal with right now. Unless you're the mayor of Buffalo. When you're the mayor of Buffalo you have to basically be the circus ring leader. Like yeah sure there's a deadly virus that wiped Italy off the map in a way that makes Britain blush. But Tom Brady just left the New England Patriots after his 20 reign of terror. This man knows his city inside and out. Tables are going to start selling faster than toilet paper and Pinto Ron is going to be getting ketchup and mustard blasted on his face by every citizen of Buffalo by sun down if he didn't step in and remind people to celebrate within their respective quarantines. I also love him throwing in the "hopefully leaving the AFC East" bit. Leaving the Patriots was a great first step but he could always sign with the Jets or Dolphins and then our problems are still close to home. Let's all wait for him to sign elsewhere, in another division, and then for this pesky little virus to skedaddle before we all gather together and eat wings out of each other's assholes at the next tailgate. I honestly believe more than the hundreds of wins and six Lombardis that this press conference is the peak of Tom Brady's career. Anyone can win a Super Bowl. No one in the history of the NFL has caused elected officials to become worried their citizens would break government mandated quarantines to celebrate his departure from a rival team. That's unprecedented levels of greatness we may never see again in our lifetimes.