Tumblr Model (Whatever That Is) Explains That He's Not Gay Just Because He Ate His Own Cum In A Few Videos

(Source) – Selfie-taker Michael Hoffman has the ripped physique and boyish good looks of someone who’d tag Instagram posts #instagay, except HE ISN’T GAY!!! He declared as much in a YouTube response to a recent rash of “leaked” videos of him masturbating. If you didn’t read this post’s headline and somehow stumbled onto this page, you may be wondering how videos of a man masturbating may imply that he’s gay. Well, in one of them, he ejaculates onto his hand (really, the lower part of his thumb, where it meets the rest of his hand) and then tentatively begins to lick at his semen. He finally plunges his thumb into his mouth and devours his dick’s doing.

I guess I have to agree with this guy. I mean jerking off isn’t gay and I’ve always said that if I could suck my own dick I’d at least try it, so my stance is pretty clearly anything you do to yourself isn’t gay. Can’t back down from that now. Principles are something you stick to even when it isn’t easy and if that means co-signing on eating your own cum then I guess that’s where I’m at in life. Doesn’t make you gay at all, Michael. Makes you weirder than a motherfucker but jerking off on the bathroom floor with a belt around your neck isn’t exactly normal behavior and I wouldn’t call a dude who did that gay.

PS – He says he got $10,000 for this. If you say you wouldn’t then you’re a disgusting liar.

PPS – I’ve been holding back puke the entire time I’ve been writing this and I’m pretty sure my face is a cartoonish green. New diet plan: whenever you’re hungry, write a blog about a dude eating his own cum. You don’t want to eat and you throw up anything in your system. Might have a six pack by the weekend if I keep this up.