Is The Kool-Aid Man The Glass Pitcher Or The Liquid Inside?

In an effort to talk about anything besides the Coronavirus on Barstool Radio this morning and we got a caller who gave us this question and it has had me thinking about it non-stop. At the time of this blog the poll says that 80% of you think that the Kool-Aid man is the jar. Oh yeah? OH NO! 

You guys have NOT thought this through. It is not 80% level straight forward. You could argue that an empty pitcher is still the kool-aid man. The guy is just waiting to get filled back up with his special sauce before he can come crashing through walls, causing thousands of dollars worth of property damage, and filling kids with sugar water. I could buy that. If he's just the pitcher though, then the pitcher can be filled with anything. What if you fill the pitcher with milk? What if you fill him with orange juice. What if you fill him with a nice pinot grigio? He can't be the Kool-Aid man if he's a pasty white nutrious drink. The milk man knocks on the door politely, wipes his feet on the doormat and asks if he should take his shoes off before coming inside and banging your wife. Without the kool-aid the pitcher is just a glass container with face on it. His spirit lies in the drank. 

BUT...if the spirit of the kool-aid man is the drink and not the glass he comes in then WHY DOESN'T EVERY PITCHER BECOME THE KOOL-AID man? Look at the pitcher he is holding the official logo

If it's the liquid then the pitcher in his hand should transform into a mini kool-aid man as well. And what happens if the kool-aid gets spilled on the floor? Is he still alive as a blob that can slide around like the silver dude in Terminator 2?

Also...why is the Kool-Aid man trying to get people to drink him? Is he trying to be a Christ-figure cult leader? Should we really be exposing children to such a dangerous character who may or may not be a shapeshifter?

These are the type things that get my brain cooking. The reason why I loved philosophy classes. It's not math or science where there is a absolute right answer. Nope. All you have to do is have sound/logical arguments and you can get an A(or at least a C). All you kids out there who are on quarantine from college and you're still undecided about your major...be a philosophy major. It'll give you zero practical experience, but you will be able to think and make sound arguments. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, the Kool-Aid man can not exist without the body and his spirit.