Now back it up for me just a bit.
Just absolute fucking chaos off the escalator on the way to customs at O'Hare right now. And while I'm no public health expert, I would imagine this represents the exact opposite of social distancing.
8-10 hours of shoulder-to-shoulder waddling has me nauseous from the comfort of my own couch. Thoughts and prayers to all you heathens out there that defend O'Hare on principle. The place absolutely moans with or without the federal support to appropriately manage the customs process.
Next up in my brain is how much it blows to be waiting in that line. Scout's Honor I would rather spend the night in TSA jail than wait in that line. Figure it's an overnight detainment, might even get a chance to lay down while they watch your luggage for you. So I'd cause a mild disturbance, maybe appear to be severely intoxicated but not enough to get into an ambulance. Just enough to get escorted to "processing" while the line slims down. Come 7am you'll be in a much better position to navigate the crowd with a fraction of the back pain from standing around all night, all for a simple misdemeanor. Call it a fair trade and thank me later.
PS - O'Hare sucks.