A Big Ole Hearty ”Suck It” To Everyone Hanging Plants Like This

Everyone who knows me at all knows that I love a good potted plant as much as, if not more than, the next stud muffin. I’ll hang plants all god damn day. I don’t care. The suns up? I’m hanging plants especially on Day 1 of a family-wide quarantine.

Not like this though. I HATE string-related crafts. Every day I log online and I see these folks doing crafts with string and it pisses me off. Dude, sure that string might hold it for a day but that bitch-ass yarn ain’t made for the long haul of Texas summers. The first tornado-like conditions that rolls through the Texas Hill Country will have that string-strung plant in your neighbor’s yard so god damn fast it’ll make your spurs spin.

Can you imagine your embarrassment heading over to Rick’s place and asking him PERMISSION to go in HIS backyard to get YOUR petunia plants? In the words of longtime stoolie Mr. T, I pity the fool (who has to do that ect).

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So, while these crafts might look tempting in dire circumstances, hold off or, at the very least, invest in some 550 cord. That shit will last a longtime but you’ll look like a geardo. Your choice. I won’t judge you either way. I’m just glad people still love plants. Petunias are as delightful as the quarantine is long. (3 weeks minimum) 

Anyway, here’s wonderwall.