I Can Think Of Worse Ideas Than Being Self-Quarantined With Emily Ratajkowski Right Now
Think about where your life is right now with this whole coronavirus outbreak. We're all here at work right now just grinding away trying to give you guys any sort of entertainment at home. It's tough to complain on our end because our job is awesome, but when you compare it to the subject of this blog it's not in the same universe.
I came home from work last night to find my roommates (two accountants and a teacher) lost in their own lives with no sports on. We played some Mario Tennis and some Tiger, but it wasn't the same. We started Love is Blind but ended up pausing it every 5 minutes as one of us found something new to talk about with this virus. It's miserable. We should all be watching conference tournaments right now and gearing up for Selection Sunday in a few days. Instead we're left with nothing. It's fucked up for all of this to happen so suddenly. Is this what it's like living in Brooklyn all the time where everyone just reads?
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Well then there's Emily Ratajkowski. She's hunkered down with her husband Sebastian Bear-McClard and their dog Colombo. Imagine being her husband right now? Oh no there's a global pandemic going on so you have to stay inside your gorgeous NYC penthouse apartment with one of the hottest human beings alive. Oh and you have a dog. And you have likely unlimited supplies, food, water, etc because you're rich and famous. The horror!
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If I'm Sebastian I'm rooting for this virus to go on as long as possible. I'd be praying so hard for Cuomo to issue a city wide shutdown. You just get to have sex with your wife Emily Ratajkowski all the time, watch TV/movies, and play with your dog. You don't have to worry about running out of money or going back to work. If by some chance you feel you're running low on cash all you need is Emily to throw up a sponsored Instagram and she'll get like a million dollars. Some people just hit the human lottery and have it so goddamn easy. Respect to Sebastian Bear-McClard. You have the entire world jealous of you right now and you probably don't even realize it.