Good News for the Cousins: 100 Year Old Chinese Man Recovers From Coronavirus

The world is in mass hysteria. Countries are banning travel, schools are closing down all over the US, the New York Metro is encouraging us all to not use the public transportation that over 5 million people use every day, and Yale -- fucking Yale! -- got an automatic bid because the Ivy league canceled their conference tournament. 

All of it seems (cough cough) a little much, no? No pun intended. 

Let's be honest. Most of us... WILL BE FINE. The ones we should actually worry about?  Let's just say it... are the kind of people who own an AARP card... or have bad lungs. So in my life, its The Cousins and my mom, and we've got to do what's necessary to keep them safe.

So like many of you, I've been worried about the old people in my life. And then out of the blue, we got a shining beacon of hope from the least likely place -- the source of the outbreak itself. Fucking China. 

There's good news for the cousins (and mom) and for old folks everywhere... Old people are surviving this bitch now!

According to China's state news agency, we now have evidence that a 100-year-old Chinese man has beaten the Coronavirus, making him the *oldest human to recover from this "deadly" contagion. 

Was he a 100-year old physical specimen like a bodybuilder or a marathon runner? Ohhh no. Otherwise healthy? Nope. He had MANY health issues including, but not limited to, Alzheimer's disease, heart disease, and hypertension. 

Due to his complicated conditions, medical professionals from the military held multiple consultations, and a variety of methods including antiviral treatment through traditional Chinese medicine and convalescent plasma therapy were adopted in the treatment.

I know what you're thinking… 

1. Wow… that shit is a miracle

2. What is Convalesent plasma therapy?

3. Where can I buy the powdered Ginseng and Horny Goat Weed that saved this sickly man from Wuhan?

4. China has amazing medical care for a communist society

5. The Cousins have NOTHING to worry about

Yep yep and yep… I'm thinking the exact same thing. 

If this deadly virus can't even kill a centenarian already on death's door, then what the hell are we doing here, really? 

Time to stop the madness and return the world back to normal. 

Cousins Mike and Murray can breathe a little easier today. You got this.

*Since this post was written, a 103 year old woman has also beaten Coronavirus