Scale Of 1 to Brain Dead, How Stupid Am I For Not Knowing That Tortilla Chips Came From Tortillas?

Last night I had a revelation. I know its stupid. I'm not trying to win an argument here or become some sort of Tortilla Truther. But When you've been around for 35 years, and it feels more like 65 years on the calendar with the way life has turned out, it takes a lot to blow your mind. You know what I mean? I'm at the point where not much fazes me or takes me by surprise. But this tortilla epiphany fucked me up, man. A little background for you:

Ive been eating tacos for about 15 straight days. No exaggeration. Minus a few nights here and there where I went out, I ate homemade tacos for dinner every day. I've been getting 2 pounds of ground beef, cooking it at the beginning of the week, and eating it every night for dinner. Watch the fuck out, Lebron. I'm coming for you and all your fucking kids. Its Taco Monday through Sunday up in my house. When I go on food kicks, I go on FOOD KICKS. And this one happened to be inspired by my wallet. I NEEDED to stop spending money on take out and so this was my go to. Beef, sour cream, shredded cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. Fastball right down the middle. Dont get cute with it. And while I'm bi-curious with my tacos and I'm fluid between hard and soft shells, I had really been leaning into the soft tacos. My first revelation had nothing to do with chips at all. I realized I was just looking at a humungous Communion host:

I started envisioning a Land of the Giants where they go to church and receive communion that was tortilla sized. And then I started pretending my hands were really tiny and that was actually a normal sized Jesus cracker. Like when Andre the Giant holds a regular sized can and makes it look super tiny:

Full disclosure I was not even high yet. These were just the ramblings thoughts from inside the mind of a madman gone off tacos. I then received this DM, which irrevocably changed the course of my life:

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After Jesus was born they forever changed the course of history, as they broke up yearly calendar into BC and AD. Before Christ and inexplicably Anno Domini. (SIdebar: What the fuck was that about? Just sprinkling in a little Latin? Someone was just like "Well lets just call the first chunk "Before that dude was born" and the second chunk...hmmm...I dunno lets just go with a phrase from this forgotten, unspoken, ancient language that means "In the year of our Lord." Oh and if you're doing BC you put the year first, but when you do AD, you do the numbers second." Asinine idiots.) Well now for me, my calendar has a new line of demarcation. Before Tortilla Revelation (BTR) and After Tortilla Revelation (ATR). And if we're being perfectly honest, this is the second line of demarcation. This is from For Sure NOT on January 25th, 2009:

On the whole, the Wild Things Threesome was a defining moment in the lives of all guys currently in their 20s.  Matter of fact, this sex scene marked an epoch in the calendar lives of all men.  The year this movie was filmed was 1998 B.W.T.T (Before Wild Things Threesome) and then we reset at 0 A.W.T.T.

So if you're looking at a timeline of my life, it looks like this:

Now listen - I know this is dumb. I fully disclosed my stupidity and offered up a Barstool Confession:

I'm not trying to argue that tortilla chips are NOT made from tortillas or something stupid like that. I now have had the realization that they very much are. What I'm saying is that when I'm eating tortilla chips - crunchy, triangular chips to dip in salsa - I'm not thinking about a soft taco wrap. When I'm eating those chips, I'm not thinking about the big, round, floppy wrap that they came from. Its just a connection I never made. I know the word "tortilla" is in the name. Obviously they made it pretty fucking obvious. Maybe if I lived in Mexico or Texas and I watched people chopping up tortillas into tiny triangles and frying them up, maybe it would be in the front of my mind. But I didnt. So in my mind I have a bag of soft floppy tortillas:

And when I open a bag of Tostitos chips:

It never ran through my mind that I was eating the same thing. And despite how idiotic this is, I got a sneaking suspicion theres a decent amount of you knuckleheads out there who agree with me:

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Over 3,000 likes tells me that theres a lot of people out there having this same revelation. And I'm not alone here at Barstool! My esteemed colleague, food connoisseur, and one HELL of a model American Diclembe Mutombo is in the same boat as me:

Also my friend Quigs. You know, the guy who WORKED FOR NASA and was going to BUILD AERONAUTIC SPACECRAFTS:

Never mind the fact that he now makes Tik Tok's and watches Pylon Cams for a living. The point is he was smart enough to be a space engineer and he had the same late-life epiphany I did. 

And its not just them. Al Dukes, producer of the highest rated morning radio show in the country:

And even Marty Mu….

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Alright never mind, forget about Marty Mush. Guy thinks the ocean needs walls. Not the guy you want on your side during an argument about cognitive understanding.

But obviously theres some smart people out there who never made the connection. And you're just fucking LYING to me if you say that every time you're eating Doritos, you're thinking about a tortilla. Just fucking lying. 

Its one of my stupidest moments in my entire life, yet I also oddly enough stand by it. I bet way more people are in this boat with me than there should be. 

PS - This guy was so bent out of shape with me and my Barstool Confession, he was tweeting me all afternoon about it. This was his argument:

If your FIRST example is about soy sauce coming from soy beans, I dont think you realize how much you're helping my argument. The other ones, much better argument. Potato chips from potatoes, tomato sauce from tomatoes. All better ammunition. But soy sauce??? In the leadoff spot??? I never once thought about Soy Sauce and where it comes from. And I never in a zillion years would have realized it comes from beans. Not-a-once. Like you're telling me that soy sauce and soy milk are made from the same thing? And that thing is BEANS? And you think thats a point for YOU on your side of this argument? For sure NOT. I'd guarantee theres a fuck ton of people out there who never thought about soy beans for either of those things. Sometimes your brain just doesnt make that connection.